Waiting

Wait for the Lord. Be strong. Let your heart be strong, yes. Wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14.

I sent Jason a little Bible Promise Book for Christmas. When Kami and Jake brought us his things, they gave me his Bible and that book and said they were on his bedside table. I hope he was reading them. I looked at the book last night because I was having a tough evening. The above verse was the only one that I could grasp ahold of. "Let not your heart be troubled" and other such verses don't speak to me at the moment. My heart is troubled. I KNOW all the verses of comfort; I just don't feel comforted.
I had graded all the papers that I had taken home--I now have a small hill of papers to grade along with two finals to make out and a midterm to take--all by Thursday. When I am busy at school, I can put everything in the back of my mind. When I am at home, it remains in front of me. Last night Tony and I went for our walk-the first one since Jason's death. It was such a shock to think that we are going on with our lives, but Jason is not.
My sister-in-law Cindy called late in the evening. We talked for over an hour. What a gift to have her. My sisters are both in heaven. If they were here, I would be talking to them daily, hourly, whatever I needed. My niece Janna has called often, and we talk--we both always have something to say--but my talk with Cindy was what I needed at the moment to get me through that hour before bed. Thanks to all of you who are willing to grieve with me. I know it is difficult, but what I have noticed. We will grieve for a while, then we will start remembering and telling stories and laughing. That is what we should be doing; I just need a reminder once in a while.