It's all clear now.

For the past several years Jason has been drifting. Those of you who befriended him and allowed him to drift your way know what I am talking about. He left Stillwater; he then spent time in El Reno, Minco, Guthrie went back to Stillwater to finish his degree in May of 2006. He stayed with Glenn, Ashley, Todd and Cami and others before he called me one Saturday night in January 2007 and said that he was in Shawnee and would be coming out to spend the night and go to church with me the next day. I worried about him every moment until he came home. He stayed with us until he left for Nebraska last November.
Jason had an idea to put in a Cowboy Walmart in Oklahoma City. He had the location picked out, a solid proposal, and interested investors. Every time he would get close, something would happen that would stop it. Now I know why, and I thank God that we are not now having to deal with a new business in this economy along with the other business of his tragic death.
After so many roadblocks got the best of him, he decided he would go back to Nebraska to train horses. He had spent some time there the previous year and truthfully hadn't liked it very much. I asked him if he could be happy there, and he said he could because Jake and Kami were there now.
From all indications--my phone calls with him, what others have said to me, and the peace I have had with him being gone so far away--Jason was exactly where he needed to be for the past year.
While he was here, we reconnected as adults. I have always loved my children, but I think it is important in our adult relationships for us to like one another too. I like my childen. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I would rather spend time with my children and Tony than any other people in the world. While he was here, he went to church with me at Harrah Church, on Reno and Dobbs, if any of you would like to join me there now. We went to movies, walked at the track at school. I walked; Jason jogged. He got to know my friends and became a member of the Sunday School class I teach. It means so much to me now to be able to talk to my friends about him, and they know who I am talking about.
I can't put into words what that year means to me now. At the time he was staying here, his dad and I were worried about him, but we wanted him to be here for as long as it took for him to heal and find the direction he was meant to go. I'm very comfortable with his move to Nebraska. He has influenced hundreds of people in that area of Gordon/Rushville. We have received comments, cards, flowers, memorials--too many to mention from that area all saying the same thing. Our son was embraced by those people on the ranch and in the community. I will be forever grateful to them; they help make Jason's last year on this earth a fun one. The Krebs, Jake and Kami, the Delaneys especially took him and made him a part of their families. I would worry when we were having a holiday dinner here what Jason was doing there. I couldn't stand to think he was at a diner eating Thanksgiving Dinner, but he wasn't. Someone included him in their family. My parents always had "extras" at our family events. Linda Lake who was a friend of my sisters spent all holidays with us. Now we have a couple of Carson's friends who are a part of our holidays. I will continue to include people who are away from family in our special days--to honor Jason and to honor those in Nebraska who welcomed him.