Peace that Passeth Understanding

When I was a kid in church, we sang a song, may have been called "Down in my Heart." The last verse says "I've got the peace that passeth understanding down in my heart." I had no idea what that meant until now. It was just a tongue twister to us, and we would giggle because we couldn't sing it right. This week I know exactly what that means. I have tried to comfort grieving parents through the years, and I always thought, "I could not do that; I could not bury one of my children," but I did, and I am still standing, still living, still believing. Not one minutes goes by when I am unaware of Jason's continued existence. I don't feel the emptiness that I thought I would feel. Every time I have gotten low and fallen into that deep, black hole that tries to conquer me, someone makes a call, sends a comment, prays a prayer that tells me that God knows what I need, and he will use people in this world, my family and friends, to supply my needs. I thank each of them thus far for listening to the Holy Spirit and making contact with me.
I'm working on thank you notes. What a monumental task, but a healing one. Last week went by in a blur, and I am now reading the cards, looking at the food list, reading the flower cards. What an outpouring of love everyone has shown.
The most difficult part of this is signing the card. If you have a family, you have a family signature. Ours is always, Tony, Debbie, Jason, Allison, and Carson. I can't write that anymore without people thinking I am not facing reality. Well, I won't promise I will leave his name out, but don't worry about me. I know he is not here physically; he will always be a part of our family. We may just be The Humphreys from now on.