Colossians 1:9-12

Be assured that from the first day we heard of you, we haven't stopped praying for you, asking God to give you wise minds and spirits attuned to his will, and so acquire a thorough understanding of the ways in which God works. We pray that you'll live well for the Master, making him proud of you as you work hard in his orchard. As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work. We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul--not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us.

"Wise minds and spirits attuned to his will" "glory-strength" what wonderful things to pray for.
I don't often pray for myself. I remember thinking after my mom, dad, and sisters died that no one was praying for me like they used to. I knew that they prayed for me daily. It was such a gift. I think I am going to start praying for a wise mind, spirit attuned to his will, and glory-strength for myself and my family. What more could we need? I don't think I have ever heard the phrase "glory-strength" before, but I like the way it sounds. I can assure you I have needed God-given strength these past five weeks. I don't know how I could have put one foot in front of the other if God hadn't been with me. "Strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy" sounds like something I need, but not yet. I'm not ready to experience Joy--In the back of my mind, there is a barrier to joy. Step one, I need God to intervene and take away the barrier. How long will that take? I have no idea, but I know He is the only one who can do it.
At the present time, I don't want the barrier to go away. That seems ridiculous to admit, but it is true, not logical, but true. I'm holding on to my grief because it is what connects me to Jason. For thirty-three years I have been connected to him in a way that only another mother can understand. I don't want to lose that connection.