Tonight is the last night of the most tragic year of my life. The strange thing is that I am sad to see it end because it is the last year of Jason's life. That really doesn't make sense, but it is the truth. From tomorrow forward, when I think back on 2008, I will not think of any other date but Sept. 20th. I know other things happened in that year that were good, but the year is forever tainted in my mind.
I'm not naive enough to state that it will always remain the most tragic year of my life. I would like to think that I will not grieve again like I have this year, but I know enough of life to know that nothing is guaranteed. I do know that the grief I have experienced since Jason's death is worse than any I experienced when I lost my parents and my sisters.
I have had people say to me that God will not give me more than I can bear. This statement is so offensive to me for two reasons. First, it sounds like if I were weaker, Jason would still be alive. That's ridiculous. Second, it is not scriptural; God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can resist is the actual teaching. I don't really know how it has become so distorted.
I usually make resolutions, reflect, try to better myself, but it would be unrealistic this year for me to think that 2009 will bring a change.
All I know is that tomorrow morning when I wake up, it will be 2009, and the first thought that will come to my mind is the same as my first thought every morning since Sept. 20th. Jason is gone.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Miracles
John 2:1-12
Three days later there was a wedding in the village of Cana in Galilee. Jesus' mother was there. Jesus and his discipes were guests also. When they started running low on wine at the wedding banquet, Jesus' mother told him, "They're just about out of wine."
Jesus said, "Is that any of our business, Mother--yours or mine? This ins't my time. Don't push me."
She went ahead anyway, telling the servants, "Whatever he tells you, do it."
Six stoneware water pots were there, used by the Jews for ritual washings. Each held twenty to thirty gallons. Jesus ordered the servants, "Fill the pots with water." And they filled them to the brim.
"Now fill your pitchers and take them to the host," Jesus said, and they did.
When the host tasted the water that had become wine (he didn't know what had just happened but the servants, of course, knew), he called out to the bridegroom. "Everybody I know begins with their finest wines and after the guests have had their fill brings in the cheap stuff. But you've saved the best till now."
This act in Cana of Galilee was the first sign Jesus gave, the first glimpse of his glory. And his disciples believed in him.
I heard a sermon on this passage once that the used this as evidence that God cares about the day-to-day in our lives. Mary did not want the family to be embarrassed- making the blind see, the lame walk, feeding the 5,000, raising Lazarus from the dead, now those are miracles worthy of notice. The thing is, this miracle is evidence that Jesus cares about our lives. We don't need to just count on him for the big stuff; we need to count on him for the small things too.
I have had to turn over everything to God, big stuff and small things. If there is one thing I have learned in the past three months, it is that I can do nothing on my own, I have to depend on Jesus to perform a miracle each day.
Three days later there was a wedding in the village of Cana in Galilee. Jesus' mother was there. Jesus and his discipes were guests also. When they started running low on wine at the wedding banquet, Jesus' mother told him, "They're just about out of wine."
Jesus said, "Is that any of our business, Mother--yours or mine? This ins't my time. Don't push me."
She went ahead anyway, telling the servants, "Whatever he tells you, do it."
Six stoneware water pots were there, used by the Jews for ritual washings. Each held twenty to thirty gallons. Jesus ordered the servants, "Fill the pots with water." And they filled them to the brim.
"Now fill your pitchers and take them to the host," Jesus said, and they did.
When the host tasted the water that had become wine (he didn't know what had just happened but the servants, of course, knew), he called out to the bridegroom. "Everybody I know begins with their finest wines and after the guests have had their fill brings in the cheap stuff. But you've saved the best till now."
This act in Cana of Galilee was the first sign Jesus gave, the first glimpse of his glory. And his disciples believed in him.
I heard a sermon on this passage once that the used this as evidence that God cares about the day-to-day in our lives. Mary did not want the family to be embarrassed- making the blind see, the lame walk, feeding the 5,000, raising Lazarus from the dead, now those are miracles worthy of notice. The thing is, this miracle is evidence that Jesus cares about our lives. We don't need to just count on him for the big stuff; we need to count on him for the small things too.
I have had to turn over everything to God, big stuff and small things. If there is one thing I have learned in the past three months, it is that I can do nothing on my own, I have to depend on Jesus to perform a miracle each day.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Gift after gift after gift
John 1:16-18
We all live off his generous bounty,
gift after gift after gift.
We got the basics from Moses,
and then this exuberant giving and receiving,
This endless knowing and understanding--
all this came through Jesus, the Messiah.
No one has ever seen God,
not so much as a glimpse.
This one-of-a-kind God-Expression,
who exists at the very heart of the Father,
has made him plain as day.
I know I have received gifts from God all my life. My health, my family, my friends, and my salvation, so why am I feeling such discouragement. I think I have been so busy since Jason's death that this time off is giving me too much time to think. Last week was busy because I was getting ready for Christmas and celebrating in several locations. Yesterday I was busy; I took down Christmas decorations and cleaned out the closet that I keep the Christmas stuff in. That's what I want to get accomplished during the break. I want to clean out closets and do away with the excess stuff in my house. Today, I did nothing. It may be the first day since the day of Jason's death that I have just sat, watched television, read and slept. I felt horrible-lazy, depressed, yukky. (Is that a word?) I learned a valuable lesson. I must keep busy. I have to have a reason to get moving every morning. One of the things I have read about grief is that it helps to keep busy, but just like with everything else, I have to find out for myself. I can't learn from the experience of others; I have to learn everything the hard way.
We all live off his generous bounty,
gift after gift after gift.
We got the basics from Moses,
and then this exuberant giving and receiving,
This endless knowing and understanding--
all this came through Jesus, the Messiah.
No one has ever seen God,
not so much as a glimpse.
This one-of-a-kind God-Expression,
who exists at the very heart of the Father,
has made him plain as day.
I know I have received gifts from God all my life. My health, my family, my friends, and my salvation, so why am I feeling such discouragement. I think I have been so busy since Jason's death that this time off is giving me too much time to think. Last week was busy because I was getting ready for Christmas and celebrating in several locations. Yesterday I was busy; I took down Christmas decorations and cleaned out the closet that I keep the Christmas stuff in. That's what I want to get accomplished during the break. I want to clean out closets and do away with the excess stuff in my house. Today, I did nothing. It may be the first day since the day of Jason's death that I have just sat, watched television, read and slept. I felt horrible-lazy, depressed, yukky. (Is that a word?) I learned a valuable lesson. I must keep busy. I have to have a reason to get moving every morning. One of the things I have read about grief is that it helps to keep busy, but just like with everything else, I have to find out for myself. I can't learn from the experience of others; I have to learn everything the hard way.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Pointing the Way
John 1 6-8
There once was a man, his name John, sent by God to point out the way to the Life-Light. He came to show everyone where to look, who to believe in. John was not himself the Light; he was there to show the way to the Light.
John is writing about John the Baptist, who we are taught was the forerunner of Jesus. He was sent to prepare the way for Jesus to come later.
Aren't we all forerunners of Jesus today. We should be preparing people to hear the message of salvation. We should be tenderizing hearts by our behavior and kindness toward others. What an honor. I always thought John the Baptist had a very important job, but now I realize that I have that same job. When I encounter people who are not Christians, I should be preparing them to hear the message of salvation. If my behavior is less than Christlike, I am not bearing witness to the life-changing experience that I should be.
As I look back over my life, I remember so many events that I fell short in my responsibility to be a good witness. I'm so grateful that God is patient because He certainly could have given up on me so many times.
When people that I have encountered in the past hear the message of salvation, I hope they can think back to their relationship with me and see a glimpse of Jesus in my behavior.
One consistent prayer of mine is that my family members come into contact with Christians who represent Jesus well. I hate to hear them criticize a co-worker, friend, acquaintance who professes Christ but doesn't represent Him well.
I feel an awesome responsibility to represent Christ in my grief. Without my faith in God and my belief that Jason is in heaven, life would be hopeless right now.
Christmas Eve we went to church and heard a rather unusual message. I guess I expected a message about love, peace, joy, etc.--traditional Christmas topics. Instead the preacher told of unimaginable horrors in our world today. He believes they are signs of the end and included that in his sermon. I don't really like that kind of preaching, but if God gave him the message, who am I to criticize. The thing is, when he said the end is near, I responded differently than I have to that message in the past. I felt relief that it might not be so long before I see Jason. That is a selfish attitude because too many people have not accepted Jesus, so I should be asking God to give more time.
There once was a man, his name John, sent by God to point out the way to the Life-Light. He came to show everyone where to look, who to believe in. John was not himself the Light; he was there to show the way to the Light.
John is writing about John the Baptist, who we are taught was the forerunner of Jesus. He was sent to prepare the way for Jesus to come later.
Aren't we all forerunners of Jesus today. We should be preparing people to hear the message of salvation. We should be tenderizing hearts by our behavior and kindness toward others. What an honor. I always thought John the Baptist had a very important job, but now I realize that I have that same job. When I encounter people who are not Christians, I should be preparing them to hear the message of salvation. If my behavior is less than Christlike, I am not bearing witness to the life-changing experience that I should be.
As I look back over my life, I remember so many events that I fell short in my responsibility to be a good witness. I'm so grateful that God is patient because He certainly could have given up on me so many times.
When people that I have encountered in the past hear the message of salvation, I hope they can think back to their relationship with me and see a glimpse of Jesus in my behavior.
One consistent prayer of mine is that my family members come into contact with Christians who represent Jesus well. I hate to hear them criticize a co-worker, friend, acquaintance who professes Christ but doesn't represent Him well.
I feel an awesome responsibility to represent Christ in my grief. Without my faith in God and my belief that Jason is in heaven, life would be hopeless right now.
Christmas Eve we went to church and heard a rather unusual message. I guess I expected a message about love, peace, joy, etc.--traditional Christmas topics. Instead the preacher told of unimaginable horrors in our world today. He believes they are signs of the end and included that in his sermon. I don't really like that kind of preaching, but if God gave him the message, who am I to criticize. The thing is, when he said the end is near, I responded differently than I have to that message in the past. I felt relief that it might not be so long before I see Jason. That is a selfish attitude because too many people have not accepted Jesus, so I should be asking God to give more time.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Another New Book
John 1:1-5
The Word was first,
the Word present to God,
God present to the Word.
The Word was God,
in readiness for God from day one.
Everything was created through him,
nothing-not one thing--
came into being without him.
What came into existence was Life,
and the Life was Light to live by.
The Life-light blaze out of the darkness;
the darkness couldn't put it out.
I am leaving the letters of Paul to study John. I have a Beth Moore study that my cousin Becky sent me called John, The Beloved Disciple, and we have been studying Max Lucado's 3:16 Promise in Sunday School, so I think now is the time to do an indepth study of John. I will be using The Message for this blog, but the Beth Moore study used the Holman Christian Standary Bible. Since I am pretty familiar with this book in the KJV and NIV, I will have multiple perspectives on the verses.
The first verses of this book just remind us that God has always been and that everything came from Him. Is this easy to understand? Not really, we just have to accept this theology by faith. I am accepting many things on faith alone right now. I have faith that Jason is in heaven right now, continuing to live. Do I have proof? No, but the fact that I am not "sitting on the couch with a bottle of gin and a pack of cigarettes" as one person recently said she would be in my place, tells me that the prayers of my friends and family and the faith that I have in God are carrying me through.
We made it through Christmas; most of the family better than me, but we made it. I had numerous breakdowns on the way home from events or in bed after the event, but I was able to enjoy my family and find ways to honor Jason.
I went to Hallmark today and bought five ornaments as I have always done. I still have three children; I hung his stockings as I have done for thirty-three years; the only thing I couldn't do was take pictures. The idea of a family picture without him is unimaginable to me right now. We have some pictures of Tony, me, Allison, and Carson that were taken last Christmas and last Mother's day. Jason was already in Nebraska then, but yesterday was different. I just couldn't take a picture of our family with him missing.
The Word was first,
the Word present to God,
God present to the Word.
The Word was God,
in readiness for God from day one.
Everything was created through him,
nothing-not one thing--
came into being without him.
What came into existence was Life,
and the Life was Light to live by.
The Life-light blaze out of the darkness;
the darkness couldn't put it out.
I am leaving the letters of Paul to study John. I have a Beth Moore study that my cousin Becky sent me called John, The Beloved Disciple, and we have been studying Max Lucado's 3:16 Promise in Sunday School, so I think now is the time to do an indepth study of John. I will be using The Message for this blog, but the Beth Moore study used the Holman Christian Standary Bible. Since I am pretty familiar with this book in the KJV and NIV, I will have multiple perspectives on the verses.
The first verses of this book just remind us that God has always been and that everything came from Him. Is this easy to understand? Not really, we just have to accept this theology by faith. I am accepting many things on faith alone right now. I have faith that Jason is in heaven right now, continuing to live. Do I have proof? No, but the fact that I am not "sitting on the couch with a bottle of gin and a pack of cigarettes" as one person recently said she would be in my place, tells me that the prayers of my friends and family and the faith that I have in God are carrying me through.
We made it through Christmas; most of the family better than me, but we made it. I had numerous breakdowns on the way home from events or in bed after the event, but I was able to enjoy my family and find ways to honor Jason.
I went to Hallmark today and bought five ornaments as I have always done. I still have three children; I hung his stockings as I have done for thirty-three years; the only thing I couldn't do was take pictures. The idea of a family picture without him is unimaginable to me right now. We have some pictures of Tony, me, Allison, and Carson that were taken last Christmas and last Mother's day. Jason was already in Nebraska then, but yesterday was different. I just couldn't take a picture of our family with him missing.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
God's applause!
II Timothy 4:6-8
This is the only race worth running. I've run hard right to the finish, believed
all the way. All that's left now is the shouting--God's applause! Depend on it, he's an honest judge. He'll do right not only by me, but by everyone eager for his coming.
What an interesting idea--God's applause. I've got nothing to add to that.
I read an interesting book yesterday and this morning. It is called The Purpose of Christmas by Rick Warren. It is a very easy read, but it is filled with some truly interesting thoughts about why we celebrate Christmas.
He calls Jesus God's gift to us and makes the parallel that I have heard before. What if you gave someone you love a gift, and they never opened it, never accepted the gift that you had sacrificed to get for them? That's what we do when we do not accept the sacrifice of Jesus.
Another interesting thing in this book is the entire Serenity Prayer. I have never read the rest of the prayer that truthfully has more theology for Christians than the shortened version:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things
I cannot change; courage to change the things
I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; accepting hardships as the
pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this
sinful world as it is, not as I should have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will; that I may be
reasonably happy in this life and supremely
happy with Him forever in the next.
If you read today's magazines, they all have suggestions on how to be happy, but it is interesting to me that we really can't expect much more than being "reasonably happy in this life." Why? This world is fallen; death comes to the people we love in this world. Just when we think that we've got it made, we hear another story that is evidence that we will never be supremely happy on this earth. What will it be like to live in a place with no death, no illnesses, no separation? I can't imagine. Our family is grieving this Christmas--again. I don't know if we will actually celebrate Christmas in heaven, but I do know that there won't be any bittersweet celebrations there. Jason was a pretty contented person here on this earth, even though he had suffered loss, disappointment, separation; he was reasonably happy. He had a talent for making the most of a situation. I like to think about him being supremely happy right now.
This is the only race worth running. I've run hard right to the finish, believed
all the way. All that's left now is the shouting--God's applause! Depend on it, he's an honest judge. He'll do right not only by me, but by everyone eager for his coming.
What an interesting idea--God's applause. I've got nothing to add to that.
I read an interesting book yesterday and this morning. It is called The Purpose of Christmas by Rick Warren. It is a very easy read, but it is filled with some truly interesting thoughts about why we celebrate Christmas.
He calls Jesus God's gift to us and makes the parallel that I have heard before. What if you gave someone you love a gift, and they never opened it, never accepted the gift that you had sacrificed to get for them? That's what we do when we do not accept the sacrifice of Jesus.
Another interesting thing in this book is the entire Serenity Prayer. I have never read the rest of the prayer that truthfully has more theology for Christians than the shortened version:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things
I cannot change; courage to change the things
I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; accepting hardships as the
pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this
sinful world as it is, not as I should have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will; that I may be
reasonably happy in this life and supremely
happy with Him forever in the next.
If you read today's magazines, they all have suggestions on how to be happy, but it is interesting to me that we really can't expect much more than being "reasonably happy in this life." Why? This world is fallen; death comes to the people we love in this world. Just when we think that we've got it made, we hear another story that is evidence that we will never be supremely happy on this earth. What will it be like to live in a place with no death, no illnesses, no separation? I can't imagine. Our family is grieving this Christmas--again. I don't know if we will actually celebrate Christmas in heaven, but I do know that there won't be any bittersweet celebrations there. Jason was a pretty contented person here on this earth, even though he had suffered loss, disappointment, separation; he was reasonably happy. He had a talent for making the most of a situation. I like to think about him being supremely happy right now.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Junk Food
II Timothy 4: 3-5
You're going to find that there will be times when people will have no stomach for solid teaching, but will fill up on spiritual junk food--catchy opinions that tickle their fancy. They'll turn their backs on truth and chase mirages. But you--keep your eye on what you're doing, accept the hard times along with the good, keep the Message alive, do a thorough job as God's servant.
You know how you feel when you have had too much junk food; you're sluggish, still hungry for something nourishing, but too full to eat it. That's what happens when we read or listen to spiritual junk food. We are still hungry, not satisfied. Some of it sounds good at the beginning, just like the junk food tastes good, but when it is tested, it doesn't fill us up. It doesn't provide us with the strength we need when we are challenged.
I have known some Christians who will not read anything except the Bible, but I'm not one of them. I have learned so much from reading Christian authors like Billy Graham, Rick Warren, Beth Moore, and Max Lucado, among others. They have insight that I don't have and experiences that I haven't had, so I can stand on their shoulders and learn from their experience. The danger comes when we are not discriminating in choosing the authors we read. We can get some wacky theories if we are not careful. My barometer for choosing is their use of scripture. If what they write doesn't line up with the Bible, it is junk food for the soul. It will leave you wanting meat and potatoes.
You're going to find that there will be times when people will have no stomach for solid teaching, but will fill up on spiritual junk food--catchy opinions that tickle their fancy. They'll turn their backs on truth and chase mirages. But you--keep your eye on what you're doing, accept the hard times along with the good, keep the Message alive, do a thorough job as God's servant.
You know how you feel when you have had too much junk food; you're sluggish, still hungry for something nourishing, but too full to eat it. That's what happens when we read or listen to spiritual junk food. We are still hungry, not satisfied. Some of it sounds good at the beginning, just like the junk food tastes good, but when it is tested, it doesn't fill us up. It doesn't provide us with the strength we need when we are challenged.
I have known some Christians who will not read anything except the Bible, but I'm not one of them. I have learned so much from reading Christian authors like Billy Graham, Rick Warren, Beth Moore, and Max Lucado, among others. They have insight that I don't have and experiences that I haven't had, so I can stand on their shoulders and learn from their experience. The danger comes when we are not discriminating in choosing the authors we read. We can get some wacky theories if we are not careful. My barometer for choosing is their use of scripture. If what they write doesn't line up with the Bible, it is junk food for the soul. It will leave you wanting meat and potatoes.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Read the directions
II Timothy 3:14-17
Stick with what you learned and believed, sure of the integrity of your teachers--why, you took in the sacred Scriptures with your mother's milk. There's noting like the written Word of God for showing you the way to salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. Every part of Scripture is God breathed and useful one way or another--showing us truth, exposing our rebellion, correcting our mistakes, training us to live God's way. Through the Word we are put together and shaped up for the tasks God has for us.
How many times in my life have I attempted to do something without reading the directions? Too many to name. It is so frustrating to me when I finally give in and read the directions on something that I am trying to fix or put together and find out that I was making it harder than it was originally intended to be. The most troublesome things that come to mind are the times I have ignored the directions written by God in his Word. The problems that I have brought upon myself are too numerous to mention. I have made life too complicated because I have ignored the directions.
I am so blessed to have a SS class, a minister, and my natural curiosity that keeps me studying, reading, and learning. I wish I could say that I have always studied and followed God's Word, but I can't say that. What I can say is that I believe it to be true and that I know now that whatever I face, I can find comfort and encouragement in God's Directions.
Stick with what you learned and believed, sure of the integrity of your teachers--why, you took in the sacred Scriptures with your mother's milk. There's noting like the written Word of God for showing you the way to salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. Every part of Scripture is God breathed and useful one way or another--showing us truth, exposing our rebellion, correcting our mistakes, training us to live God's way. Through the Word we are put together and shaped up for the tasks God has for us.
How many times in my life have I attempted to do something without reading the directions? Too many to name. It is so frustrating to me when I finally give in and read the directions on something that I am trying to fix or put together and find out that I was making it harder than it was originally intended to be. The most troublesome things that come to mind are the times I have ignored the directions written by God in his Word. The problems that I have brought upon myself are too numerous to mention. I have made life too complicated because I have ignored the directions.
I am so blessed to have a SS class, a minister, and my natural curiosity that keeps me studying, reading, and learning. I wish I could say that I have always studied and followed God's Word, but I can't say that. What I can say is that I believe it to be true and that I know now that whatever I face, I can find comfort and encouragement in God's Directions.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
II Timothy 3:1-4
Don't be naive. There are difficult times ahead. As the end approaches, people are going to be
self-absorbed,
money-hungry,
self-promoting,
stuck-up,
profane,
contemptuous of parents,
crude,
coarse,
dog-eat-dog,
unbending,
slanderers,
impulsively wild,
savage,
cynical,
treacherous,
ruthless,
bloated windbags,
addicted to lust,
and allergic to God.
They'll make a show of religion, but behind the scenes they're animals. Stay clear of these people.
If I read the paper too closely or watch the evening news, I get so depressed by the horrible stories of crime and corruption. I prefer living in my own world--completely oblivious of the facts. Now I have scriptural support for not watching the news. It says right here "Stay clear of these people." I'm perfectly justified in associating myself with people who do not fit the above description and burying my head in the sand. I live with enough grief; I can't take on other people's grief too.
I have noticed that since Jason's death, I can't watch the television shows or read the books I used to like. It isn't that I was watching or reading really bad stuff, but if you look at today's most popular shows, they can all be described with the list above. I just know that I have become desensitized to language or behavior that a few years ago would not have been on prime time.
I have to work so hard today to maintain emotional balance that I can't allow myself to be drawn in to the drama of characters who seem "allergic to God."
I remember being in the hospital with my mom during the last week of her life. She couldn't communicate with us very well toward the end. I asked her if she wanted to watch Days of our Lives, her "story." She shook her head no and mouthed, "I quit it." I understand that completely now.
Don't be naive. There are difficult times ahead. As the end approaches, people are going to be
self-absorbed,
money-hungry,
self-promoting,
stuck-up,
profane,
contemptuous of parents,
crude,
coarse,
dog-eat-dog,
unbending,
slanderers,
impulsively wild,
savage,
cynical,
treacherous,
ruthless,
bloated windbags,
addicted to lust,
and allergic to God.
They'll make a show of religion, but behind the scenes they're animals. Stay clear of these people.
If I read the paper too closely or watch the evening news, I get so depressed by the horrible stories of crime and corruption. I prefer living in my own world--completely oblivious of the facts. Now I have scriptural support for not watching the news. It says right here "Stay clear of these people." I'm perfectly justified in associating myself with people who do not fit the above description and burying my head in the sand. I live with enough grief; I can't take on other people's grief too.
I have noticed that since Jason's death, I can't watch the television shows or read the books I used to like. It isn't that I was watching or reading really bad stuff, but if you look at today's most popular shows, they can all be described with the list above. I just know that I have become desensitized to language or behavior that a few years ago would not have been on prime time.
I have to work so hard today to maintain emotional balance that I can't allow myself to be drawn in to the drama of characters who seem "allergic to God."
I remember being in the hospital with my mom during the last week of her life. She couldn't communicate with us very well toward the end. I asked her if she wanted to watch Days of our Lives, her "story." She shook her head no and mouthed, "I quit it." I understand that completely now.
Friday, December 19, 2008
No arguing allowed.
II Timothy 2:23-26
Refuse to get involved in inane discussions, they always end up in fights. God's servant must not be argumentative, but a gentle listener and a teacher who keeps cool, working firmly but patiently with those who refuse to obey. You never know how or when God might sober them up with a change of heart and a turning to the truth, enabling them to escape the Devil's trap, where they are caught and held captive, forced to run his errands.
It is many times difficult to keep my mouth shut when I hear people at school, at work, or at home say something that goes against God's teachings, but this verse supports the idea that arguing is not the answer when dealing with people who are not living according to God's laws. The last thing I want to do is back someone into a corner and cause them to stubbornly hold on to an unhealthy lifestyle because I have been too forceful or argumentative with God's teachings. These verses tell me to listen and keep cool and patient. Even among Christians we sometimes disagree about the way to worship, what to wear to church, what kind of music is appropriate, but it does not honor God for us to argue and bicker about such minor issues.
I do not want to be a barrier to my friends and family members who are not Christians. I don't want their pride to get in the way if the Holy Spirit is speaking to them. The worst thing I can think of is for them to refuse salvation to prove a point to me.
Refuse to get involved in inane discussions, they always end up in fights. God's servant must not be argumentative, but a gentle listener and a teacher who keeps cool, working firmly but patiently with those who refuse to obey. You never know how or when God might sober them up with a change of heart and a turning to the truth, enabling them to escape the Devil's trap, where they are caught and held captive, forced to run his errands.
It is many times difficult to keep my mouth shut when I hear people at school, at work, or at home say something that goes against God's teachings, but this verse supports the idea that arguing is not the answer when dealing with people who are not living according to God's laws. The last thing I want to do is back someone into a corner and cause them to stubbornly hold on to an unhealthy lifestyle because I have been too forceful or argumentative with God's teachings. These verses tell me to listen and keep cool and patient. Even among Christians we sometimes disagree about the way to worship, what to wear to church, what kind of music is appropriate, but it does not honor God for us to argue and bicker about such minor issues.
I do not want to be a barrier to my friends and family members who are not Christians. I don't want their pride to get in the way if the Holy Spirit is speaking to them. The worst thing I can think of is for them to refuse salvation to prove a point to me.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Keep on going
II Timothy 1:9-11
We can only keep on going, after all, by the power of God, who first saved us and then called us to this holy work. We had nothing to do with it. It was all his idea, a gift prepared for us in Jesus long before we knew anything about it. But we know it now. Since the appearance of our Savior, nothing could be plainer; death defeated, life vindicated in a steady blaze of light, all through the work of Jesus.
I haven't been able to write for a couple of days. I started a couple of times, but I couldn't find the words. I am struggling right now. I have read back over the blogs, and I seem to have all the answers, don't I. "Put your faith in God." "Live for Jesus." "Follow the teachings of Jesus." "Pray." "Count your blessings." Don't get me wrong, I believe all of these things, and I want to do them, but right now, my heart is heavy. As Huckleberry Finn says, "You can't pray a lie." God knows that I'm having difficulty, so there's no use for me to pretend that everything's fine. One thing I will continue to do is read, pray, and wait. I know that I will get on the other side of this grief in time. I will never stop missing Jason. I'm listening to my friends who have lost children; they tell me that there will be happy times again. They tell me that I will always feel as if a part of me is missing, but I will be happy again. Right now I'm still in the "fake it til you make it" phase.
This Saturday will be the three month anniversary of Jason's death. I remember when my kids were babies; we marked their age in weeks and months. I'm back to that again. Part of me can't believe it has only been three months; I feel like I've been living with this reality much longer. The other part can't believe it has already been three months. I kind of feel that time has stood still for us.
We can only keep on going, after all, by the power of God, who first saved us and then called us to this holy work. We had nothing to do with it. It was all his idea, a gift prepared for us in Jesus long before we knew anything about it. But we know it now. Since the appearance of our Savior, nothing could be plainer; death defeated, life vindicated in a steady blaze of light, all through the work of Jesus.
I haven't been able to write for a couple of days. I started a couple of times, but I couldn't find the words. I am struggling right now. I have read back over the blogs, and I seem to have all the answers, don't I. "Put your faith in God." "Live for Jesus." "Follow the teachings of Jesus." "Pray." "Count your blessings." Don't get me wrong, I believe all of these things, and I want to do them, but right now, my heart is heavy. As Huckleberry Finn says, "You can't pray a lie." God knows that I'm having difficulty, so there's no use for me to pretend that everything's fine. One thing I will continue to do is read, pray, and wait. I know that I will get on the other side of this grief in time. I will never stop missing Jason. I'm listening to my friends who have lost children; they tell me that there will be happy times again. They tell me that I will always feel as if a part of me is missing, but I will be happy again. Right now I'm still in the "fake it til you make it" phase.
This Saturday will be the three month anniversary of Jason's death. I remember when my kids were babies; we marked their age in weeks and months. I'm back to that again. Part of me can't believe it has only been three months; I feel like I've been living with this reality much longer. The other part can't believe it has already been three months. I kind of feel that time has stood still for us.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Handed-down faith
II Timothy 1:5-7
That precious memory triggers another: your honest faith--and what a rich faith it is, handed down from your grandmother Lois to your mother Eunice, and now to you!
Can we make a new version of this verse and make it "handed down from your Granny Mabel to your mother Debbie, and now to you?
Handed-down faith is dangerous in most instances. I have heard so many people tell about the faith of previous generations in their family like it is some kind of guarantee that they are "saved." That is not what scripture says. Faith is personal, it cannot be a vicarious experience. We can't look at our moms, dad, grandparents, husbands, or wives and claim to be a Christ follower. No one will get to heaven on another's faith.
On the other hand, I have also heard many people tell about the judgemental, hyper-critical, impossible to please parents and grandparents who professed Christianity and turned their children and grandchildren away. I can't think of anything more heartbreaking.
Though faith can't be handed down, the impact of living a life of faith should speak volumes to our descendants. They should be able to look at our lives and see strong evidence that we followed the teachings of Jesus. The important thing is that the ones watching us want the same thing for themselves. As much as we would like, we can't be saved for anyone else.
That precious memory triggers another: your honest faith--and what a rich faith it is, handed down from your grandmother Lois to your mother Eunice, and now to you!
Can we make a new version of this verse and make it "handed down from your Granny Mabel to your mother Debbie, and now to you?
Handed-down faith is dangerous in most instances. I have heard so many people tell about the faith of previous generations in their family like it is some kind of guarantee that they are "saved." That is not what scripture says. Faith is personal, it cannot be a vicarious experience. We can't look at our moms, dad, grandparents, husbands, or wives and claim to be a Christ follower. No one will get to heaven on another's faith.
On the other hand, I have also heard many people tell about the judgemental, hyper-critical, impossible to please parents and grandparents who professed Christianity and turned their children and grandchildren away. I can't think of anything more heartbreaking.
Though faith can't be handed down, the impact of living a life of faith should speak volumes to our descendants. They should be able to look at our lives and see strong evidence that we followed the teachings of Jesus. The important thing is that the ones watching us want the same thing for themselves. As much as we would like, we can't be saved for anyone else.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Joy-packed reunion.
II Timothy 1:3-4
Every time I say your name in prayer--which is practically all the time--I thank God for you, the God I worship with my whole life in the tradition of my ancestors. I miss you a lot, especially when I remember that last tearful goodbye, and I look forward to a joy-packed reunion.
These verses could have been written by me about Jason. I still say his name in prayer, but I don't have to pray for his physical, emotional, or spiritual well-being. Those things are secure in heaven. Now his name is mentioned in thanks. I thank God for the thirty-three years of Jason's life, for the good friends he had, for his faith, for the ways he blessed us. The last tearful goodbye wasn't when he left in July to go back to Nebraska. It was evident to me during his visit that he was happy there. Our tearful goodbye came when he went to heaven. I didn't think I would ever stop crying; just about the time I thought I had no more tears, they would start again. I still cry often, but not daily anymore. I cry at unexpected moments now, no warning-just tears. The things that I thought would make me cry do not, but the dumbest things will trigger tears. I can't explain it, and I really don't want to.
The thing I really have to hold on to is that joy-packed reunion. I remember my cousin Carolyn saying, "Heaven will be so much sweeter for you now." That is true. I already had several relatives in heaven, but none that I want to see as much as I want to see Jason.
Every time I say your name in prayer--which is practically all the time--I thank God for you, the God I worship with my whole life in the tradition of my ancestors. I miss you a lot, especially when I remember that last tearful goodbye, and I look forward to a joy-packed reunion.
These verses could have been written by me about Jason. I still say his name in prayer, but I don't have to pray for his physical, emotional, or spiritual well-being. Those things are secure in heaven. Now his name is mentioned in thanks. I thank God for the thirty-three years of Jason's life, for the good friends he had, for his faith, for the ways he blessed us. The last tearful goodbye wasn't when he left in July to go back to Nebraska. It was evident to me during his visit that he was happy there. Our tearful goodbye came when he went to heaven. I didn't think I would ever stop crying; just about the time I thought I had no more tears, they would start again. I still cry often, but not daily anymore. I cry at unexpected moments now, no warning-just tears. The things that I thought would make me cry do not, but the dumbest things will trigger tears. I can't explain it, and I really don't want to.
The thing I really have to hold on to is that joy-packed reunion. I remember my cousin Carolyn saying, "Heaven will be so much sweeter for you now." That is true. I already had several relatives in heaven, but none that I want to see as much as I want to see Jason.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Grace
I Timothy 6:21
Overwhelming grace keep you.
I'm having trouble finding a passage to comment on. I just kept reading through the verses of I Timothy until I got to the end. What a gem in the final verse of chapter 6. Overwhelming grace keep you. That is what will keep us, nothing else. We can't count on our health, our money, our family and friends, but we can count on grace.
The traditional definition of grace we are taught in church is unmerited favor of God. We can't do enough to earn grace. We can't make a list of good deeds to check off or a list of rituals to perform, but we can ask God for his forgiveness, mercy and grace. That's it-ask and accept. Man has through the years complicated the grace of God by telling Christians that they must walk a certain way, look a certain way, but God's way is simple.
I am counting on overwhelming grace right now. I've had to be out and about this week more than usual because I am getting ready for Christmas. Every where I go, I run into people who are kindly asking how we are doing. Most of the time I am able to say, "We're making it." I can't say anything else right now. Each day brings new challenges. I am baking and making candy for Christmas, and Jason's favorites are hard to make. I have to laugh though when I remember how many times Jason volunteered me to bake cookies or cook something. When he was in elementary school, his teachers joked with me because no matter what kind of event they were planning, Jason would say, "My mom will make cookies." He was right; I would.
The first time he went to church camp, I sent chocolate chip cookies with him. The next year on the night before he was leaving for camp again, he came in and asked if I had his cookies ready yet. I was leaving the next day to take cheerleaders to camp, so I had completely forgotten. When I said I hadn't made any, he said, "Mom, you ALWAYS make cookies for us! Guess what, I baked cookies until midnight so that we would continue our "tradition." I miss him so much.
Overwhelming grace keep you.
I'm having trouble finding a passage to comment on. I just kept reading through the verses of I Timothy until I got to the end. What a gem in the final verse of chapter 6. Overwhelming grace keep you. That is what will keep us, nothing else. We can't count on our health, our money, our family and friends, but we can count on grace.
The traditional definition of grace we are taught in church is unmerited favor of God. We can't do enough to earn grace. We can't make a list of good deeds to check off or a list of rituals to perform, but we can ask God for his forgiveness, mercy and grace. That's it-ask and accept. Man has through the years complicated the grace of God by telling Christians that they must walk a certain way, look a certain way, but God's way is simple.
I am counting on overwhelming grace right now. I've had to be out and about this week more than usual because I am getting ready for Christmas. Every where I go, I run into people who are kindly asking how we are doing. Most of the time I am able to say, "We're making it." I can't say anything else right now. Each day brings new challenges. I am baking and making candy for Christmas, and Jason's favorites are hard to make. I have to laugh though when I remember how many times Jason volunteered me to bake cookies or cook something. When he was in elementary school, his teachers joked with me because no matter what kind of event they were planning, Jason would say, "My mom will make cookies." He was right; I would.
The first time he went to church camp, I sent chocolate chip cookies with him. The next year on the night before he was leaving for camp again, he came in and asked if I had his cookies ready yet. I was leaving the next day to take cheerleaders to camp, so I had completely forgotten. When I said I hadn't made any, he said, "Mom, you ALWAYS make cookies for us! Guess what, I baked cookies until midnight so that we would continue our "tradition." I miss him so much.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Sin
I Timothy 5:24-25
The sins of some people are blatant and march them right into court. The sins of others don't show up until much later. The same with good deeds. Some you see right off, but none are hidden forever.
This is the most difficult teaching to get across to new Christians, non-believers, and immature believers. We have categorized sin like there are degrees. Level one-minor sins, like sins of omission, ungodly thoughts, attitudes; Level two-lying, cheating; Level three-sexual sins, Level four-murder. (I made all those up.) The main point is that the only sin that matters is blaspheming the Holy Spirit. OK, what is that? That is ignoring God, refusing his salvation. When God is trying to get our attention, we find all kinds of ways to ignore Him. We compare ourselves to the people around us--I'm better than that guy--is a dangerous thought.
My dad did not become a Christian until he was seventy years old. Daddy was just like many people I know today. He was a good man, a good husband, a good father, a good citizen, but he was just as lost as the people he compared himself to until he accepted Jesus as his savior. It really doesn't seem fair to us because we are geared to make the punishment fit the crime. We have misdemeanors and felonies with fines and sentences set up according to how severe the offense. If we are in big trouble, we hire an attorney to go before the judge and plead our case. That makes sense to us, but God's plan of salvation goes against human nature. We go before our judge without an attorney because Jesus is our mediator. It doesn't matter how minor or severe our sins are; it doesn't matter how many sins we have committed. The only thing that matters is that Jesus has already paid the penalty for us if we believe.
Thank you, Jesus, for taking my place.
The sins of some people are blatant and march them right into court. The sins of others don't show up until much later. The same with good deeds. Some you see right off, but none are hidden forever.
This is the most difficult teaching to get across to new Christians, non-believers, and immature believers. We have categorized sin like there are degrees. Level one-minor sins, like sins of omission, ungodly thoughts, attitudes; Level two-lying, cheating; Level three-sexual sins, Level four-murder. (I made all those up.) The main point is that the only sin that matters is blaspheming the Holy Spirit. OK, what is that? That is ignoring God, refusing his salvation. When God is trying to get our attention, we find all kinds of ways to ignore Him. We compare ourselves to the people around us--I'm better than that guy--is a dangerous thought.
My dad did not become a Christian until he was seventy years old. Daddy was just like many people I know today. He was a good man, a good husband, a good father, a good citizen, but he was just as lost as the people he compared himself to until he accepted Jesus as his savior. It really doesn't seem fair to us because we are geared to make the punishment fit the crime. We have misdemeanors and felonies with fines and sentences set up according to how severe the offense. If we are in big trouble, we hire an attorney to go before the judge and plead our case. That makes sense to us, but God's plan of salvation goes against human nature. We go before our judge without an attorney because Jesus is our mediator. It doesn't matter how minor or severe our sins are; it doesn't matter how many sins we have committed. The only thing that matters is that Jesus has already paid the penalty for us if we believe.
Thank you, Jesus, for taking my place.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
No Spritual flabbiness!
I Timothy 4:6-8
You've been raised on the Message of the faith and have followed sound teaching. Now pass on this counsel to the Christians there, and you'll be a good servant of Jesus. Stay clear of silly stories that get dressed up as religion. Exercise daily in God--no spiritual flabbiness, please! Workouts in the gynmasium are useful, but a disciplined life in God is far more so, making you fit both today and forever.
This is why I enjoy reading The Message. It makes me laugh while I am being taught God's truths. I, too, was raised on the Message of the faith, but I must admit that I haven't always followed sound teaching. I have listened to people who have told me silly stories, and believing those stories caused me to be spiritually flabby. You must admit that is a clever way to word this teaching.
I'm so thankful for the Message of faith that has kept me believing even though I have experienced multiple losses. I used to tell people that my faith hadn't really been challenged because everyone who has died in my family was a believer and they were all older than I was. I thought the death of one of my children might be too much--that I would become jaded and bitter. I pray every day that that doesn't happen to me. Now that I have experienced the loss of one of my children, my faith is stronger than ever. One reason is that I saw God move in Jason's life so clearly in the past couple of years. While he was staying with us last year, I witnessed his adult faith. He reassured me in many ways that his faith was real. He wasn't perfect; none of us are, but he wasn't jaded and bitter which to me are signs of a weak faith. I consider the months he spent with us to be a gift from God. God knew exactly how many days Jason had on this earth, so he knew how difficult it would have been for us if the last time Jason lived in our home was the summer of 1996. That's how long it has been since he lived with us, and that was the summer my mother died. I was so distracted that I can't even remember that summer. My grief today would have been greater if that had been my last time with him in our home.
It is funny to me that all during the time he stayed with us, he and I walked at the track and went to church together. Both of the thing these verses mention, but the important one is the spiritual fitness because it is eternal.
You've been raised on the Message of the faith and have followed sound teaching. Now pass on this counsel to the Christians there, and you'll be a good servant of Jesus. Stay clear of silly stories that get dressed up as religion. Exercise daily in God--no spiritual flabbiness, please! Workouts in the gynmasium are useful, but a disciplined life in God is far more so, making you fit both today and forever.
This is why I enjoy reading The Message. It makes me laugh while I am being taught God's truths. I, too, was raised on the Message of the faith, but I must admit that I haven't always followed sound teaching. I have listened to people who have told me silly stories, and believing those stories caused me to be spiritually flabby. You must admit that is a clever way to word this teaching.
I'm so thankful for the Message of faith that has kept me believing even though I have experienced multiple losses. I used to tell people that my faith hadn't really been challenged because everyone who has died in my family was a believer and they were all older than I was. I thought the death of one of my children might be too much--that I would become jaded and bitter. I pray every day that that doesn't happen to me. Now that I have experienced the loss of one of my children, my faith is stronger than ever. One reason is that I saw God move in Jason's life so clearly in the past couple of years. While he was staying with us last year, I witnessed his adult faith. He reassured me in many ways that his faith was real. He wasn't perfect; none of us are, but he wasn't jaded and bitter which to me are signs of a weak faith. I consider the months he spent with us to be a gift from God. God knew exactly how many days Jason had on this earth, so he knew how difficult it would have been for us if the last time Jason lived in our home was the summer of 1996. That's how long it has been since he lived with us, and that was the summer my mother died. I was so distracted that I can't even remember that summer. My grief today would have been greater if that had been my last time with him in our home.
It is funny to me that all during the time he stayed with us, he and I walked at the track and went to church together. Both of the thing these verses mention, but the important one is the spiritual fitness because it is eternal.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Shopping with a smile
I Timothy 3:15-16
This Christian life is a great mystery, far exceeding our understanding, but some things are clear enough.
He appeared in a human body,
was proved right by the invisible Spirit,
was seen by angels.
He was proclaimed among all kinds of peoples,
believed in all over the world,
taken up into heavenly glory.
At this time of year, while we are celebrating Christmas, it seems to me that denominational barriers break down. We all have different ways of celebrating the holidays. Some denominations have more rituals than others, but those who truly believe in Jesus agree on one thing. If Jesus had not been born, He could not have died for our sins. That's really all that matters. Christians get frustrated by the commercialization of the holiday, but the truth is that people are more open to God at this time of year than any other. The music of Christmas triggers memories for many, memories of childhood Christmas programs. Hearts are tenderized by the good will that surrounds us at this time. People who don't give to charity all year long will reach out to those who need help.
Christmas has often been stressful for me because I have focused too much on the shopping, cooking, and events of the season. I have worried about how to pay for all the gifts and missed the point of the holiday. I know my perspective has been forever changed after Jason's death. I would love to be purchasing gifts for him, even if it caused me to stretch my dollar a little farther. From this point on, I promise to celebrate the fact that I have family and friends that I can buy for. I don't have to overspend, but I am going to carefully and joyfully buy gifts and find ways to honor Jason's memory.
This Christian life is a great mystery, far exceeding our understanding, but some things are clear enough.
He appeared in a human body,
was proved right by the invisible Spirit,
was seen by angels.
He was proclaimed among all kinds of peoples,
believed in all over the world,
taken up into heavenly glory.
At this time of year, while we are celebrating Christmas, it seems to me that denominational barriers break down. We all have different ways of celebrating the holidays. Some denominations have more rituals than others, but those who truly believe in Jesus agree on one thing. If Jesus had not been born, He could not have died for our sins. That's really all that matters. Christians get frustrated by the commercialization of the holiday, but the truth is that people are more open to God at this time of year than any other. The music of Christmas triggers memories for many, memories of childhood Christmas programs. Hearts are tenderized by the good will that surrounds us at this time. People who don't give to charity all year long will reach out to those who need help.
Christmas has often been stressful for me because I have focused too much on the shopping, cooking, and events of the season. I have worried about how to pay for all the gifts and missed the point of the holiday. I know my perspective has been forever changed after Jason's death. I would love to be purchasing gifts for him, even if it caused me to stretch my dollar a little farther. From this point on, I promise to celebrate the fact that I have family and friends that I can buy for. I don't have to overspend, but I am going to carefully and joyfully buy gifts and find ways to honor Jason's memory.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Simple faith and plain truth
I Timothy 2:4-7
He wants not only us but everyone saved, you know, everyone to get to know the truth we've learned. that there's one God and only one, and one Priest-Mediator between God and us--Jesus, who offered himself in exchange for everyone held captive by sin, to set them all free. Eventually the news is going to get out. This and this only has been my appointed work, getting this news to those who have never heard of God, and explaining how it works by simple faith and plain truth.
It really is simple; why do we make salvation so difficult. There is one God and one way to get to him--Jesus. That's simple enough. I'm like Paul; I want everyone to be saved, yet I don't know how to tell them that. I keep thinking that the opportunity will present itself for me to talk to my family and friends who haven't accepted the sacrifice that will set them free. Is it possible to be captive and not know it? I think it is. We can be held captive by our jobs, our relationships, our habits, our addictions, our money, our will, our pride, even our intellect. Our intellect tells us that this doesn't make sense. Why would God become a man and die for sinners? That's a ridiculous notion, but it is the plain truth. I am a thinker; I don't like to take someone else's word for things; I want to find out for myself. If there is one thing I have learned since Jason's death, it is that God is real. I believe with all my heart that Jesus is who He claimed to be and that accepting his sacrifice is essential for getting to heaven. I also believe that following His teachings while here on this earth is the best way to live. Do I always follow his teaching? I wish I could say yes, but I fall so short. It is not about what I "do" that might be wrong, it is more about what happens in my mind--the doubt, the anger, the emotions that do not honor God. Since Jason's death, I have experienced all of these. I need to get back to that "simple faith and plain truth."
He wants not only us but everyone saved, you know, everyone to get to know the truth we've learned. that there's one God and only one, and one Priest-Mediator between God and us--Jesus, who offered himself in exchange for everyone held captive by sin, to set them all free. Eventually the news is going to get out. This and this only has been my appointed work, getting this news to those who have never heard of God, and explaining how it works by simple faith and plain truth.
It really is simple; why do we make salvation so difficult. There is one God and one way to get to him--Jesus. That's simple enough. I'm like Paul; I want everyone to be saved, yet I don't know how to tell them that. I keep thinking that the opportunity will present itself for me to talk to my family and friends who haven't accepted the sacrifice that will set them free. Is it possible to be captive and not know it? I think it is. We can be held captive by our jobs, our relationships, our habits, our addictions, our money, our will, our pride, even our intellect. Our intellect tells us that this doesn't make sense. Why would God become a man and die for sinners? That's a ridiculous notion, but it is the plain truth. I am a thinker; I don't like to take someone else's word for things; I want to find out for myself. If there is one thing I have learned since Jason's death, it is that God is real. I believe with all my heart that Jesus is who He claimed to be and that accepting his sacrifice is essential for getting to heaven. I also believe that following His teachings while here on this earth is the best way to live. Do I always follow his teaching? I wish I could say yes, but I fall so short. It is not about what I "do" that might be wrong, it is more about what happens in my mind--the doubt, the anger, the emotions that do not honor God. Since Jason's death, I have experienced all of these. I need to get back to that "simple faith and plain truth."
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Do you need me?
I go to a large church. I haven't always. When my kids were little, I went to smaller churches that had familiar faces in the nursery and children's church each week. If one of my kids needed me, someone would come and tap me on the shoulder and tell me I needed to go see about my kid. The church I go to now has a clever system for notifying parents that they are needed. Each child is given a number when they go in, and the number is flashed on the big screen if a parent is needed. That happened this morning, and I noticed all the young mothers looking for their numbers to see if their kid was the one who needed a mom. I wish that could happen in real life. Your adult kid needs you, and his or her number flashes across the sky so that you could go help them. That may be the kind of system God has in heaven. We get ourselves in trouble and need God, our number flashes across the heavens, and God comes to our aid. My number has been flashing all weekend. I need His strength and comfort. I need to be reassured, like a child needs reassurance, that He hasn't abandoned me.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Thankful for friends
I am a truly blessed person in many ways. I have such wonderful friends who are helping make this first Christmas without Jason bearable. First, my sister-in-law Cindy made a grave blanket to honor Jason. She is also going to go with us Monday afternoon when we make the final decisions about choosing a headstone. Next, my friend Cindy met me for dinner Wednesday with birthday gifts and a beautiful poinsettia that made me realize that I needed to do something about getting my house ready for Christmas. My decorations are a hodgepodge collection from our house, my mom's, Phyllis's, and Linda's. I have collected ornaments purchased for my kids and made by them. Every time I thought about getting out the decoration, I would end up in tears. I couldn't face decorating alone, so I asked my friends Toni and Mel to come out Saturday to decorate the tree while I hung the things on the walls and placed the "activity" sets. (That was Evan's name for Phyllis's collection of nativity sets). Sorry Ev, that's going to stay with you forever. What would have taken me several hours to do, the three of us did in about two hours. Having them here distracted me from what I was actually doing. I hung the beautiful stockings knitted by Opal Haney the year each of my children were born and the cute cross stitch stockings Teresa made the year Carson was born. I was afraid looking at them would make me too sad every time I went into the living room, but it is really soothing to know that Jason will always be a part of our family. I don't want people avoiding talking about him because they are afraid it will upset me. I think it would upset me more if his name wasn't ever mentioned around me.
Allison and Carson would have understood if I had just decided to forgo the decorations this year, but I didn't think that would honor Jason. If he could talk to me, he would scold me for waiting so long. I usually decorate the Saturday after Thanksgiving, but this year I chickened out. He would have been the first one to ask, "What are you waiting for?"
Tomorrow afternoon is the memorial service at the funeral home. We will see other families who are dealing with this "first." Pray that we will find comfort in remembering our son.
Allison and Carson would have understood if I had just decided to forgo the decorations this year, but I didn't think that would honor Jason. If he could talk to me, he would scold me for waiting so long. I usually decorate the Saturday after Thanksgiving, but this year I chickened out. He would have been the first one to ask, "What are you waiting for?"
Tomorrow afternoon is the memorial service at the funeral home. We will see other families who are dealing with this "first." Pray that we will find comfort in remembering our son.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Pray
I Timothy 2:1-3
The first thing I want you to do is pray. Pray every way you know how, for everyone you know. Pray for rulers and their governments to rule well so we can be quietly about our business of living simply, in humble contemplation. This is the way our Savior God wants us to live.
Pray every way you know how. What does that mean? We can pray silently, aloud, in public, in private, in song, in unintelligible groanings; according to this verse we should not only be praying in multiple ways but also for everyone we know. How exactly do we do that? Do we have to say their names? I don't think so, but this does make me rethink the way I have prayed in the past. My prayer list is finite, but God's mercy is infinite. I have a limited view of what God can do, but He is limitless. I don't think I can wrap my mind around this concept. I want so much for God to answer my prayers my way, immediately and quickly. That's not what He does.
If I pray to live my life simply, in humble contemplation, all the other personal requests will fall into place. The older I get, the longer I live, the more I study His word, the more I realize that I have been off base in my spiritual life far too long. My priorities have been so off base. I have focused too much on this earthly life. This world is not my home. I should really only be focused on eternity, on taking my friends and family with me to heaven.
The first thing I want you to do is pray. Pray every way you know how, for everyone you know. Pray for rulers and their governments to rule well so we can be quietly about our business of living simply, in humble contemplation. This is the way our Savior God wants us to live.
Pray every way you know how. What does that mean? We can pray silently, aloud, in public, in private, in song, in unintelligible groanings; according to this verse we should not only be praying in multiple ways but also for everyone we know. How exactly do we do that? Do we have to say their names? I don't think so, but this does make me rethink the way I have prayed in the past. My prayer list is finite, but God's mercy is infinite. I have a limited view of what God can do, but He is limitless. I don't think I can wrap my mind around this concept. I want so much for God to answer my prayers my way, immediately and quickly. That's not what He does.
If I pray to live my life simply, in humble contemplation, all the other personal requests will fall into place. The older I get, the longer I live, the more I study His word, the more I realize that I have been off base in my spiritual life far too long. My priorities have been so off base. I have focused too much on this earthly life. This world is not my home. I should really only be focused on eternity, on taking my friends and family with me to heaven.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Timothy
I Timothy 1:5-7
The whole point of what we're urging is simply love--love uncontaminated by self-interest and counterfeit faith, a life open to God. Those who fail to keep to this point soon wander off into cul-de-sacs of gossip. They set themselves up as experts on religious issues, but haven't the remotest idea of what they're holding forth with such imposing eloquence.
Timothy has always been one of my favorite characters in the Bible because he was raised by a Jewish mother and a Greek father. I worried that my boys would not think being a Christian was manly, that church was for women because I took them to church by myself. I am so thankful for the mentors in their lives--the Pauls to their Timothy. They had pastors, friends, fathers of friends, youth ministers, uncles that showed them that being a Christian was indeed a manly way of life. Paul was Timothy's teacher; he taught him to be a follower of Jesus and to be a leader in the church in Ephesus.
The above scripture shows that Paul's teaching was practical. We are to love. That seems to be a theme throughout this blog. Every time I am reminded of an important teaching, it contains the word--love. It is so easy to love the lovable-not a challenge at all, but it is work to love "uncontaminated by self-interest and counterfeit faith." Truthfully I don't think it is possible without Jesus to help us. We can only have a life "open to God" if we are followers of Jesus. It is not politically correct to make such a statement today, but I believe it with all my heart.
The whole point of what we're urging is simply love--love uncontaminated by self-interest and counterfeit faith, a life open to God. Those who fail to keep to this point soon wander off into cul-de-sacs of gossip. They set themselves up as experts on religious issues, but haven't the remotest idea of what they're holding forth with such imposing eloquence.
Timothy has always been one of my favorite characters in the Bible because he was raised by a Jewish mother and a Greek father. I worried that my boys would not think being a Christian was manly, that church was for women because I took them to church by myself. I am so thankful for the mentors in their lives--the Pauls to their Timothy. They had pastors, friends, fathers of friends, youth ministers, uncles that showed them that being a Christian was indeed a manly way of life. Paul was Timothy's teacher; he taught him to be a follower of Jesus and to be a leader in the church in Ephesus.
The above scripture shows that Paul's teaching was practical. We are to love. That seems to be a theme throughout this blog. Every time I am reminded of an important teaching, it contains the word--love. It is so easy to love the lovable-not a challenge at all, but it is work to love "uncontaminated by self-interest and counterfeit faith." Truthfully I don't think it is possible without Jesus to help us. We can only have a life "open to God" if we are followers of Jesus. It is not politically correct to make such a statement today, but I believe it with all my heart.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Get along with each other
II Thessalonians 3:16
May the Master of Peace himself give you the gift of getting along with each other at all times, in all ways. May the Master be truly among you.
I like the idea of calling Jesus the "Master of Peace." If only becoming a Christian would guarantee that people would get along with each other at all times, in all ways. We all know that that is not the way it works. I hate confrontation; I will avoid it at all cost, but that doesn't mean I always let the Master of Peace be in control. What I do is silently dwell on whatever is bothering me instead of confronting the person who is causing stress or anger in my life. That's probably not what Paul has in mind in this verse. I really want the Master of Peace to be among my family and friends so that we can live in harmony.
I am so thankful that I can look back on my relationship with Jason and say that we got along. We didn't always agree about everything; he was a Republican; I am more apt to vote Democratic, but I respected his views and he respected mine. I can honestly say that I have no regrets when it comes to our relationship. I loved him the way a mother loves her child, but the most important thing to me is that I liked him too. I liked spending time with him, talking to him, and I think he would have said the same thing about me. I hope so. All of the television shows have people in his age group making snide comments about mothers. I don't think he had negative thoughts about me because he used to tell me I would be like my mom when I got old. That was the ultimate complement.
May the Master of Peace himself give you the gift of getting along with each other at all times, in all ways. May the Master be truly among you.
I like the idea of calling Jesus the "Master of Peace." If only becoming a Christian would guarantee that people would get along with each other at all times, in all ways. We all know that that is not the way it works. I hate confrontation; I will avoid it at all cost, but that doesn't mean I always let the Master of Peace be in control. What I do is silently dwell on whatever is bothering me instead of confronting the person who is causing stress or anger in my life. That's probably not what Paul has in mind in this verse. I really want the Master of Peace to be among my family and friends so that we can live in harmony.
I am so thankful that I can look back on my relationship with Jason and say that we got along. We didn't always agree about everything; he was a Republican; I am more apt to vote Democratic, but I respected his views and he respected mine. I can honestly say that I have no regrets when it comes to our relationship. I loved him the way a mother loves her child, but the most important thing to me is that I liked him too. I liked spending time with him, talking to him, and I think he would have said the same thing about me. I hope so. All of the television shows have people in his age group making snide comments about mothers. I don't think he had negative thoughts about me because he used to tell me I would be like my mom when I got old. That was the ultimate complement.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Christ's endurance
II Thessalonians 3:1-5
One more thing, friends. Pray for us. Pray that the Master's Word will simply take off and race throught the country to a groundswell of response, just as it did among you. And pray that we'll be rescued from these scoundrels who are trying to do us in. I'm finding that not all "believers" are believers. But the Master never lets us down. He'll stick by you and protect you from evil.
Because of the Master, we have great confidence in you. We know you're doing everything we told you and will continue doing it. May the Master take you by the hand and lead you along the path of God's love and Christ's endurance.
Would we recognize it if the Master took us by the hand and lead us along the path of God's love and Christ's endurance? Would we have to be pulled, or would we go along willingly? I'm afraid I would not accept His leading as quickly as I should. So many times in my life I have gone down my own path and ignored the leading of God. I even knew I was on the wrong path, but I was too headstrong to turn back and go the other way. It has taken years for me to finally realize that Jesus never lets me down. I can depend on the advice of scripture to put me on the right path. I have others whom I can usually depend on, but almost everyone I know has let me down in some way or another. However well-intentioned they may have been, circumstances have kept them from being where they said they would be when they said they would be there. God does not have to break promises because of circumstances.
Have things always worked out the way I wanted them to? No, they haven't, but I must trust that God knows what He is doing. People keep telling me that God sees the big picture, so I will trust Him.
One more thing, friends. Pray for us. Pray that the Master's Word will simply take off and race throught the country to a groundswell of response, just as it did among you. And pray that we'll be rescued from these scoundrels who are trying to do us in. I'm finding that not all "believers" are believers. But the Master never lets us down. He'll stick by you and protect you from evil.
Because of the Master, we have great confidence in you. We know you're doing everything we told you and will continue doing it. May the Master take you by the hand and lead you along the path of God's love and Christ's endurance.
Would we recognize it if the Master took us by the hand and lead us along the path of God's love and Christ's endurance? Would we have to be pulled, or would we go along willingly? I'm afraid I would not accept His leading as quickly as I should. So many times in my life I have gone down my own path and ignored the leading of God. I even knew I was on the wrong path, but I was too headstrong to turn back and go the other way. It has taken years for me to finally realize that Jesus never lets me down. I can depend on the advice of scripture to put me on the right path. I have others whom I can usually depend on, but almost everyone I know has let me down in some way or another. However well-intentioned they may have been, circumstances have kept them from being where they said they would be when they said they would be there. God does not have to break promises because of circumstances.
Have things always worked out the way I wanted them to? No, they haven't, but I must trust that God knows what He is doing. People keep telling me that God sees the big picture, so I will trust Him.
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