Thankful for friends

I am a truly blessed person in many ways. I have such wonderful friends who are helping make this first Christmas without Jason bearable. First, my sister-in-law Cindy made a grave blanket to honor Jason. She is also going to go with us Monday afternoon when we make the final decisions about choosing a headstone. Next, my friend Cindy met me for dinner Wednesday with birthday gifts and a beautiful poinsettia that made me realize that I needed to do something about getting my house ready for Christmas. My decorations are a hodgepodge collection from our house, my mom's, Phyllis's, and Linda's. I have collected ornaments purchased for my kids and made by them. Every time I thought about getting out the decoration, I would end up in tears. I couldn't face decorating alone, so I asked my friends Toni and Mel to come out Saturday to decorate the tree while I hung the things on the walls and placed the "activity" sets. (That was Evan's name for Phyllis's collection of nativity sets). Sorry Ev, that's going to stay with you forever. What would have taken me several hours to do, the three of us did in about two hours. Having them here distracted me from what I was actually doing. I hung the beautiful stockings knitted by Opal Haney the year each of my children were born and the cute cross stitch stockings Teresa made the year Carson was born. I was afraid looking at them would make me too sad every time I went into the living room, but it is really soothing to know that Jason will always be a part of our family. I don't want people avoiding talking about him because they are afraid it will upset me. I think it would upset me more if his name wasn't ever mentioned around me.
Allison and Carson would have understood if I had just decided to forgo the decorations this year, but I didn't think that would honor Jason. If he could talk to me, he would scold me for waiting so long. I usually decorate the Saturday after Thanksgiving, but this year I chickened out. He would have been the first one to ask, "What are you waiting for?"
Tomorrow afternoon is the memorial service at the funeral home. We will see other families who are dealing with this "first." Pray that we will find comfort in remembering our son.