The Word was first,
the Word present to God,
God present to the Word.
The Word was God,
in readiness for God from day one.
Everything was created through him,
nothing-not one thing--
came into being without him.
What came into existence was Life,
and the Life was Light to live by.
The Life-light blaze out of the darkness;
the darkness couldn't put it out.
I am leaving the letters of Paul to study John. I have a Beth Moore study that my cousin Becky sent me called John, The Beloved Disciple, and we have been studying Max Lucado's 3:16 Promise in Sunday School, so I think now is the time to do an indepth study of John. I will be using The Message for this blog, but the Beth Moore study used the Holman Christian Standary Bible. Since I am pretty familiar with this book in the KJV and NIV, I will have multiple perspectives on the verses.
The first verses of this book just remind us that God has always been and that everything came from Him. Is this easy to understand? Not really, we just have to accept this theology by faith. I am accepting many things on faith alone right now. I have faith that Jason is in heaven right now, continuing to live. Do I have proof? No, but the fact that I am not "sitting on the couch with a bottle of gin and a pack of cigarettes" as one person recently said she would be in my place, tells me that the prayers of my friends and family and the faith that I have in God are carrying me through.
We made it through Christmas; most of the family better than me, but we made it. I had numerous breakdowns on the way home from events or in bed after the event, but I was able to enjoy my family and find ways to honor Jason.
I went to Hallmark today and bought five ornaments as I have always done. I still have three children; I hung his stockings as I have done for thirty-three years; the only thing I couldn't do was take pictures. The idea of a family picture without him is unimaginable to me right now. We have some pictures of Tony, me, Allison, and Carson that were taken last Christmas and last Mother's day. Jason was already in Nebraska then, but yesterday was different. I just couldn't take a picture of our family with him missing.