2008

Tonight is the last night of the most tragic year of my life. The strange thing is that I am sad to see it end because it is the last year of Jason's life. That really doesn't make sense, but it is the truth. From tomorrow forward, when I think back on 2008, I will not think of any other date but Sept. 20th. I know other things happened in that year that were good, but the year is forever tainted in my mind.
I'm not naive enough to state that it will always remain the most tragic year of my life. I would like to think that I will not grieve again like I have this year, but I know enough of life to know that nothing is guaranteed. I do know that the grief I have experienced since Jason's death is worse than any I experienced when I lost my parents and my sisters.
I have had people say to me that God will not give me more than I can bear. This statement is so offensive to me for two reasons. First, it sounds like if I were weaker, Jason would still be alive. That's ridiculous. Second, it is not scriptural; God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can resist is the actual teaching. I don't really know how it has become so distorted.
I usually make resolutions, reflect, try to better myself, but it would be unrealistic this year for me to think that 2009 will bring a change.
All I know is that tomorrow morning when I wake up, it will be 2009, and the first thought that will come to my mind is the same as my first thought every morning since Sept. 20th. Jason is gone.