Thursday, December 31, 2009

2010

I've been noticing that the newscasters are calling 2010 Twenty ten instead of two thousand ten. That will take some getting used to. I wonder if it will cross over to us. I'm not sure why it matters.
When I reflect on this year, I can look back with sadness, joy, fear, humor, frustration, pride and humility at the events.
The sadness that permeates our lives is dealing with all the firsts without Jason. It doesn't really matter what yearly event was taking place, there was a bittersweet feeling that Jason was not with us. We survived. I'm so thankful for the prayers of my friends and family that has helped us with our grief.
I've experienced joy, something I didn't think I would feel again after Jason died. My most joyous moments have come when I've been with Tony, Allison, and Carson. We don't get to be together as often as we'd like because everyone has crazy schedules, but we have gone out to dinner or had dinner here, gone to OSU football games. I went to Stillwater several days this summer to help Allison and Carson move and decorate their houses. I love doing that. Any time I am around Crystal and Erica's kids, there is joy. Those little guys bring light into any room.
The fear that I have to overcome is the fear for Allison's and Carson's lives. I think because I have always prayed for my kids, I thought there was some kind of forcefield around them. Since Jason's death I have realized that my prayers are no guarantee of their safety, but I have to find a way to live without the fear.
The humor, something I was afraid would never come back after Jason's death, has never left me. I love laughing with my Sunday School class, the people I teach with, my students, and my family. I am truly relieved that we can laugh together every time we get together.
I was so frustrated when I discovered that the classes I needed to take for the summer couldn't be finished in June, and I not only had to go to school in July, but I also had to go to Durant for one of them. It all worked out ok.
The pride comes in finishing my master's finally. It only took 18 months, but I waited so long to do it.
Lastly, I have been so humbled by the love and support I have received from my friends and family this year. Sometimes I have a crummy day, or my heart starts aching, and I will receive a post on facebook, a call or a visit, and I will feel loved and comforted. Facebook has been so much fun. I have reconnected with people from all over and from all times in my life. Technology amazes me. I wonder what the next ten years will bring.

2 comments:

Humphrey said...

I forgot to post the pride I feel when I improve in yoga. I am gaining strength every week. I'm still not very flexible, but I'm more flexible than I used to be. I just like learning something new.

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