Unexpected Blessing

I learned a valuable lesson today about unmerited favor. I went to my Ardmore class, left the house at 7:30 and arrived about 15 minutes before class was to start. I was tired already and dreading the fact that I would be doing this every Monday and Tuesday the entire month of July. When I got there, I found that there were only 4 students in the class. One drives two hours, I drove and hour and 45 minutes, the professor drove from east of Norman and two ladies were from Plainview, outside of Ardmore. Well, she gave us our syllabus, explained everything, and then told us we would meet once in two weeks and again in four weeks. What a thrill--a gift that was completely unexpected. Something that I was dreading is not going to happen. I have quite a bit of work to do for the class, but instead of being on the road eight hours each week, I can spend those eight hours in front of the computer doing the assignments that I would have had to do anyway.
July is going to be the first full month I have had off in at least five years because I have either gone to summer school or taught summer school. I'm going to cherish each day, and if I start griping about my class, I want someone to remind me that it could be much worse. Accountability partners out there, hold me to it.

Disturbing Movie

Last week I saw The Soloist with Jamie Foxx and Robert Downey Jr. Both are such terrific actors. In this movie Foxx played a real character, Nathaniel Ayers, who lives in Los Angeles. He is a gifted musician who attended Julliard for two years. During his second year he began hearing voices and could no longer play with the orchestra. At the beginning of the movie, he is homeless and playing a violin with only two strings. Robert Downey Jr. plays a reporter who tries to help him. He begins writing stories about him for the newspaper and gets a cello donated. He tries to help Nathaniel, tries to get medication for him, gets him an apartment, introduces him to musicians of influence in LA. At the end of the movie, statements appeared on the screen that told that there are 90,000 homeless people in Los Angeles. That's three times the population of Shawnee. This is America. That shouldn't be, but the movie pointed out that Nathaniel had family who had tried to help him. He needed daily medication, but there was no way to be certain that he would take it if he had it.
I haven't been able to get this movie off my mind.
I have heard that most homeless people are there by choice or because of mental illness. I am so thankful for the people like those in the movie that provide meals and services for these people, but it seems that we should do more.
I guess that's why I avoid movies like this, you know, movies that make us see the grim realities of genocide, poverty, homelessness, It took me years to get up the courage to watch Schlinder's List, and I have yet to watch Slumdog Millionaire. When I see stories that I know depict things that are still going on, I am so troubled that I can't get it off my mind. The thing that disturbs me is that I don't do anything about it. I just get distressed. I don't go to OKC or even Shawnee to see if I can help the homeless. I think I am afraid of experiencing what Robert Downey Jr's character discovered. Helping these people is frustrating, disappointing, dirty, eye-opening, and heart breaking because you become emotionally involved. That's what I avoid, emotional involvement. I will write a check, donate clothes, shoes, blankets, etc., but I don't go to the shelter.
This year my niece took some snacks and school supplies to a homeless shelter in OKC for the school age children who live there.
I have been too blessed in my life. I can't even imagine not being able to provide a home, clothing, and an after-school snack for my children.

Thank you for the Rain

It rained here this morning. I don't have any idea how much, but it rained. I learned something about myself a couple of years ago when we had an extended drought. I need rain. It doesn't matter that we have plenty of water; I don't breathe well when everything is dry and cracked. When I woke up this morning, I heard a familiar little ping, ping on the vent over our air conditioner. It sounded so good, I wanted to stay in bed and just listen to it. I guess it was a hit and miss rain because on my way to church, it was obvious that not everyone got the rain.
Why is it that I can water my flowers and vegetables daily, and it isn't as effective as a little rain from above. Could it be because the rain comes from the creator of the flowers and vegetables?
We had a video this morning in church from a guy in Simi Valley, California. His sermon was about the power of the Creator. He made a couple of really funny statements that are so obvious that we shouldn't have to be reminded. God is the Creator, and He can do what he wants. We can't create anything, no matter how hard we try. Then he quoted an old preacher who continued that by saying, "It is God's Universe, He can do what he wants; You may think you know a better way, but you don't have a universe." I have so many times thought I had some control of my life only to find that God is in ontrol; I have questions for Him, but I don't have to have the answers while I'm here on earth. All will be clear someday.

Michael Jackson; Farrah Fawcett

Today marks the deaths of two celebrities--Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett.
Farrah has fought courageously her battle with cancer. Today they have been showing pictures of her when she was on Charlie's Angels. She was absolutely beautiful. I remember some of the kids in Tony's class bought him the famous red swimsuit poster of her for Christmas one year. He never missed an episode. Not very many people can claim a hairstyle, but we all had Farrah Fawcett flips at one time or another. Rachel (on friends) and Dorothy Hamil are the only other two people I know of who had such copycats all over the nation. She has been very open and public with her illness which is something I admire. I hope she encouraged every person who is battling cancer with hope and an example of bravery. She was a devout Catholic and is whole and healthy in heaven right now.
Then there's Michael Jackson. I remember when I was a teenager and The Jackson Five came back onto the scene. He was the cutest, most talented little guy. Watching him turn into what he has become in the last twenty years has been so sad.
This year I used his videos from when he was in his prime, "Beat It" and "Thriller" to teach my students a lesson about an Edgar Allen Poe poem called "The Haunted Palace" The poem describes a palace that was once beautiful, with clear blue skies, trees, and flowers, beautiful music, and happy times. Then evil things take over, and the palace becomes haunted. Everything dies, the atmosphere reflects nothing good or beautiful, and the music is discordant. The poem is said to be an allegory of the human mind that starts out beautiful and pure, and evil things take over. The high school students of today only know Wacko Jacko, the strange, physically distorted man who was accused of child abuse. They are shocked to see him as the beautiful, talented dancer in the video.
Today has made me think about the day Elvis died. I was in college. As soon as I knew Phyllis was home from work, I called her and asked her if she has heard the news. She was already crying uncontrollably. She had been a fan of Elvis since he first became famous. My best memories of movies when I was a kid were Elvis movies. We would see them as soon as they came out. I was a little too young for the Elvis mania, but having an older sister had its advantages. We owned all the albums, saw all the movies, and Phyllis even took Mom and Janna to his concerts.
A couple of years before Phyllis died, Fred and Phyllis went to Graceland. She fell on the sidewalk and broke her arm, but she went ahead and went on the tour. Every picture of her has her holding her arm and smiling.
Michael Jackson's life has reminded me of Elvis. Both were too famous. They couldn't just put on a ballcap and go out into to community. They were swarmed everywhere they went. I remember that Elvis used to rent a theater and watch a movie at midnight because he couldn't go without causing too much havoc. That's no way to live.

June classes are over! Yea!!!

I'm celebrating in my head tonight. My June coursework is completed; I have to go to class Monday one more time, and then my days in Ada are over. I realize that two days a week in Ardmore in July are still ahead of me, but I am still celebrating. The worst part is that it is so hot that it's miserable just going from the car to the building. I'm going to the movie tonight at 9:40 to celebrate.
I also went to the library to pick up some book to read FOR PLEASURE. The irony did not escape me that I have not been able to read for pleasure because I am studying to be a reading specialist.
I don't know who is reading this, but one of the most interesting things I studied this month was an article about people who were struggling readers as children but became successful adults. I expected to find that all of these people found ways around reading, but that was not the case. They have all become very good readers because at an early age they developed a passion for some subject. The people she studied have become doctors, lawyers, physicists, scientists-and all have become experts in their field.
How can we get kids today to read about their passions. If their passion is politics, they will watch CNN; if their passion is animals, they will watch the discovery channel.
Reading has been such an escape and a pleasure for me for my entire life that I can't imagine not wanting to read. I have a reading vocabulary far beyond the vocabulary that I speak because I read. That is one gift I wish I could pass on to my students.

God's love for us

Today's sermon was about God's love, but it was the comments Aaron Baker made before the sermon that triggered my thoughts for this blog. Aaron told us that God enjoyed watching us enjoy life. The only thing I can relate that to is how much fun it is for me to see my kids enjoying themselves.
All three of my children were active in school activities, so active that we were constantly on the go, but I loved every minute of it.
Jason had three loves in high school: He loved basketball, cuttting, and ag. All you had to do was spend time watching him participating in any of these activities, and his enthusiasm was contagious. My memories of watching him compete in cutting horse competitions are some of the best. Jason was one with the animal-which is what you want to be-and put his all into the two and a half minute ride. His focus was unmistakable. The days were long, and I had two younger kids, but when he was competing for High School Rodeo, I would go and sit all day to watch him for maybe ten minutes total. Of course, this led him into his career. He was humble when he showed as a kid and as an adult. He trained one horse who went on to win two World Championships, but I didn't know it until I received a sympathy card from the horse's owners. They told me that they gave credit to Jason for their horse's success. He love basketball and some of my best recent memories were from my sister Phyllis's house when Jason, Jeff, Marty, Monty, Carson, and Evan would get a game going and knock one another around. I was always afraid one of the older guys would get hurt because they held nothing back. As for his ag experiences, Jason love his ag chapter, and made friends from all over the state through that organization. When he went to Connors, he called me after the first week and said, "Mom, I love it here; everyone here is just like me." I didn't know if that was good or not, but I do know that he made some life-long friendships there.
Allison also had three passions. She loved watching and playing sports, cheerleading, and just hanging out with her friends and cousins. I was blessed to get to observe her in all three situations because I taught at the same high school. I always felt bad for Tony because he didn't get to see our cheerful daughter interract with her classmates. She laughed (probably too much) at the antics of her friends and was a true friend to all kinds of people. She loved and still loves to watch sports. She never missed a game from her freshman to senior year. She even went when she had mono and when she had just had her wisdom teeth cut out. Puffy cheeks and all. The most fun thing to watch her do was cheer. She was a natural--since she went to her first cheerleading camp at age three--she didn't really have a choice. The best thing for me to watch was the way she worked so hard to improve. She was a very strong base and was dedicated to prefecting stunts, her jumps started out as average, but by the time she was a senior, she had the prettiest toe touch of all the girls. She truly enjoyed herself.
Carson's passions were just as varied. He loved sports, especially football and baseball, and music, and he was extremely dedicated to being better at all three. I loved watching every football game he played, but my favorites were the ones when he obviously had to get out of his comfort zone to play above his ability. When he was a sophomore, he had to play linebacker against Ada, and he did a wonderful job. We won that game, and the joy that boy exhibited was so much fun to watch. Carson has always been reserved, quiet, so seeing him celebrate after a game was a joy for me.
He was a natural leader and received the leadership award from both the baseball and football coaches when he was a senior. They both told me stories of Carson giving fire-up speeches in the locker room or dugout.
Although I loved watching him play sports, my most joyous moments was hearing him sing and play the guitar. I didn't realize how much I missed it until recently he played for a friend's wedding, and I heard him again. He has such a talent.
Now I say all of that to connect back to my opening comment. If my children can give me joy when I watch them do the things they love, don't you think it brings God joy to watch us do the things we love? I don't think he enjoys us going to church any more than he enjoys watching us do the other things that honor Him with our lives. Jimmy says often, "Do whatever you do as unto the Lord." I am going to try to remember that when I'm gardening, reading, cooking, studying, making a portfolio, shopping. If I am enjoying myself, God is glorified.

Zumba-sure I'll go

Earlier this week my friend Marla asked me to go to the Y in Shawnee to take a Zumba class. I have heard that this is a fun workout, so we went to our first class tonight. Ok, my body does not do what my brain is telling it to do. We were so hot and sweaty after the first 30 minutes that the instructor stopped the class. My face was as hot pink as my shirt, but it was fun. I'm sure tomorrow and this weekend I will feel aches in places I have forgot I have, but it felt good to sweat and have fun at the same time.
When I was younger, I might have been too self-conscious to try something so knew. Now, who cares. Girls just want to have fun.

Good news, bad news.

What a crazy day. First, I went to Cross Timbers to tutor my two little guys, and one of them wasn't there. Then I drove all the way to Ada, stayed in class about 15 minutes, and my professor told us she had a faculty meeting, and we were dismissed. Gas is $2.60. What a waste of time and money. Then I have been busting my tail trying to get the first half of my portfolio finished, and my other professor called today to tell me that we won't be meeting tomorrow, so we will meet next week WHEN WE TURN IT IN.
Oh well, I'll just do my best and hope it is enough. I have had a 4. so far, and I really want to maintain that, but I'm starting to think What difference does it Make. I need a pep talk.
To top it all off, it is hot, not June hot, July hot--with no reprieve in sight.
That's what this blog if for. I gripe into it so that I won't bite everyone's head off.

Why?

Why when you do anything in education today do you have to do a portfolio? Undergraduates, National Board, Master's; crazy. From what I understand, no one ever wants to see your portfolio except people who need to see yours to get an idea of how to do theirs. I can assure you in the eight years since I received my National Certification, no one has wanted to see the portfolio that I spent hours and hours on. Now I am digging through old papers to prepare my Master's portfolio. I don't understand why I did all these assignments and now I have to reflect on them. Some of these assignments were done in January of 2008, so I am having to re-read the article and my review to remember enough to reflect. What a waste of time. I am going to make mine look like a typical secondary educator. No art, no color, nothing special. That is the difference between elementary and secondary. Elementary teachers make everything cute and colorful. Not me. I just do it. One superintendent said you can tell the difference between an elementary applicant and a secondary one when they walk into your office. The elementary applicant carries in a huge portfolio that no one ever looks at.
I have to take my partial portfolio to Ada with me Thursday for a meeting with the other women who are doing theirs too. Guess what? They are all emementary, so they will have cute, colorful, pages. They're going to think I'm a slacker. Whatever, I'll jump through whatever hoops they want me too, so if I have to color some pictures, I will. I'm getting cynical. I'm really tired of jumping through hoops. That's what my students probably think they are doing in my classes. Maybe that is what all of life is, jumping through hoops.

The one that Jesus loved.

This week on my 45 minute commute to Ada, I listened to Beth Moore's study on John, The Beloved Disciple. I have the book too and have worked through most of it. What I really need is to have someone else drive while I listen and work through the book at the same time. I need a chauffeur; that would make my life so much easier. I could get so much more accomplished if I didn't have to drive.
I loved listening to the study. Beth Moore makes such practical application of the scripture. She brings out that James and John were brothers, fishermen, and disciples. I knew all of these things, but I did not realize the significance of their names always being listed with James first. James was older, yet John was tho one that Jesus loved. Throughout the Bible God chooses the unlikely little brother to do wonderful things through. I think because I was the baby of my family, I appreciate this about God's plan. Typically the little ones are not the responsible ones, but God used them and made them responsible. John was on the Mount of Transfiguration and the recipient of the Revelation. John was the one to whom Jesus gave his mother when he was on the cross. John outlived all of the other apostles; don't you think he wondered why he was spared when all the rest were killed. The reason--God needed him to go to Patmos so that he could receive the Revelation so that we could get a glimpse of heaven through John's eyes. I'm so glad John remained faithful even during his exile. I wonder if I would have. Would my thoughts have been so self-centered that God would have let someone else have the vision. I pray that I wouldn't. I don't know how many years I have on this earth, but I pray that I will never become so self-absorbed that God skips me and allows someone else to have the blessing.

BFFs

This morning on the Today show they did a report on the importance of best friends among women. I'm sure someone got a grant and spend thousands to determine that it is vital for women to have a best friend. Duh!
When I think of the friends I have been blessed with, I could have written the report without spending a dime. From early childhood I recall my time with Shirley, one of my closest lifelong friends. She was four years older than I was and was my protector. She kept the mean boys from bullying me and watched out for my safety. We still laugh at the dangerous situations she led me into when my mother was certain that I was safe because I was with Shirley, but for the most part, she did watch out for me.
My grade school and jr. high friend was Marla. She and I spent hours together, mostly at her house, and I have so many wonderful memories of the fun we had. She even went on vacation with me and my mom and dad once, and I went with her family to visit relatives in Texas. Today I received a Hoops and Yoyo ecard from her that made me laugh at the silliness. The only time I ever remember getting taken to the principal's office in high school was because I slapped her old boyfriend. My loyalty to Marla was worth the detention.
During high school Cathy Madden and I spent so many hours together being silly. Cathy was (and is) one of those strikingly beautiful girls that boys flocked to (well boys don't flock to her now). It was fun just watching the antics of those boys trying to get her attention. Most girls didn't know Cathy the way I did. She was the silliest, most fun person to hang out with. Many of my best memories from high school are the times Cathy and I were at one or the other of our houses and doing the goofiest stuff. (I have pictures.)
LaDonna was my college roommate for the first semester of our freshman year. We had to change roommates at the semester because we were in a sorority. I've always regretted that. LaDonna and I were perfect roomies; I never did find another one as compatible, except Tony.
Phyllis Bolt and I had great times in high school and college and continue to stay close. Whether we meet by accident at Walmart or meet for dinner on a planned evening, we never are at a loss for words. I know I can count on her, and I hope she knows she can count on me.
After I left Ada and started school in Edmond, I became friends with Jeanne Capps. We were in the same major, so we had almost all of our classes together. Recently Jean and I reconnected on Facebook. Life has knocked us both around, but we have maintained our friendship.
During those college years, Tony and I would move to Stillwater so that he could work construction. That was when my friendship with Kay Bosworth was affirmed. We knew one another from Ada, but those summers bonded us completely. She now lives in North Carolina, but when she comes here, we meet and have dinner. It feels to me like we just pick up where we left off. Today I got an email from her that she will be here in a couple of weeks. I can't wait.
Teresa Smith was and is my best friend starting with the many of the years that we lived in Wellston. We shopped, sewed, attended ballgames, played Scrabble, really did everything together for many years.
When I moved back to Tecumseh, Cindy Hale and I became great friends. We have traveled to Tulsa, Atlanta, Washington D.C., Houston, skiing, and various other places together and are completely compatible travelers. Even though she has moved, I am certain that our friendship will continue.
Now my friends are a motley crew. As is typical with adults, we find our friends at work and for me at church. Some of these people are the same. The interesting thing is the age range. My closest friends, Toni, Mel, and Gina are all younger than I am
by quite a bit. Mel could be my daughter; Toni and Gina could be my daughters if I began having children when I was twelve, but we really enjoy doing things together.
I learned the value of friendship after Jason's death in a way that I never knew before. My friends took care of everything--food, money, funeral arrangements, flowers, the program--everything. I can't tell you how many Sonic Diet Cokes I received because everyone brought me one when they came to see me. Poor Cindy got the Kleenex detail the day of the funeral. She would bring me new ones and take the old ones from me. Now that's friendship.
According to the Today show report, best friends are good for women's mental health. If all women had the friendships that I have had, counselors wouldn't be able to make a living. I can talk to any of these friends about my issues. I don't have to pay anyone to listen to me. The coolest thing is that all of these friends have remained in my life.

Awkward Conversation

Lately a conversation has come to my mind from the night Jason died. We were awakened by the sherrif's deputies about 3:00 AM Sunday morning. They gave me a number to call the highway patrolman in Nebraska who had worked the accident. I called him, and he gave me the details of the accident that he knew. He also told me that Jason was an organ donor, so we would be hearing from the organ donation people very quickly. I remember thinking that night that I wouldn't want to have the job of notifying a family of an accident like the deputies or talking to someone's next of kin on the phone after a fatality accident. Very soon after the deputies left, we received the first call from the organ donation people. At the time I couldn't compose myself enough to talk to them, so I asked them to call later. Randy and Cindy had just arrived at our house, so we were all a mess at the moment.
A couple of hours later the lady called back. Now I know the worst job of all--the person who has to call the next of kin and ask them thirty minutes worth of questions after a loved one has died. I wanted to cooperate because organ donation is very dear to my heart. My sister Phyllis was a candidate for a lung transplant before she became too ill to go through the procedure.
If you have ever given blood, you have an idea of the kind of questions that the poor girl had to ask me, Jason's mother. I kept reminding her that I did not know the answers to her questions, but she proceeded as she was instructed.
She got to the questions about tatoos which has caused me to smile lately. She asked if Jason had any tatoos; I said yes. She asked where the tatoo was on his body; I said on his upper arm (I didn't remember which one). She ask me what the tatoo was; I answered, "It was Yosemite Sam." Don't you know Jason was laughing his head off at the awkwardness of this conversation. I hope if there is a filter between here and heaven, and he can see some of what we are experiencing here, that he could hear just that part of the evening. The rest of that night and the next week were excruciating to us, but just as he always could, Jason brought a little levity into a bad situation.

Reality Television

I do not watch reality television. For some reason it embarrasses me to see people humiliating themselves on national tv. This morning I was sewing and The View was playing in the background. They were talking about the show I'm a Celebrity; Get Me Out of Here and some guy and his wife wanted to leave after the first day because they thought they were too big to stay with all the B list people on the show. I don't know who these people are, but the guy was baptized by immersion by the Baldwin brother who is also on the show. They showed video footage of the baptism and then the ladies of The View discussed the event. What ignorance!!! Joy (who is Catholic) seemed to not even know that immersion baptism existed. She stated that at the church when a person is baptized, they are sprinkled not immersed. Of course, Sherri and Elizabeth tried to correct her, but were unable to get the point across. These women all talk at once trying to make sure their opinion gets across disregarding others' opinions and many times the truth.
I have often wondered why most television shows that have a Christian family will make them Catholic. I know I live in the Bible Belt and live a relatively sheltered life, but I thought of Jimmy's sermon series on the various World Views from earlier this year. The media skews Christianity into an unrecognizable belief system that includes bizarre stories like the Duggars with eighteen children, cultlike behavior that the Christ followers I know would avoid at all cost.
We should not expect the media to be a witness for us. Our job is to be a witness to those around us and to let the talk show hostesses reveal their lack of connection with the world they pretend they know so well.
I'm not sure what tht impact of the baptism by immersion will have on the viewers of the reality show, but I don't think it could be bad unless the guy is a poor witness for Jesus. Since he publicized his salvation on television, I pray that he will not embarrass God by living out his life in a shameful manner.

Killer Day

Today kicked my rear. I left home at 6:05 and got home at 4:00 which wasn't so much different than a regular school day; however, the wait time in between classes was looooooong. I had a class at 7:30 that lasted all of thirty minutes. Luckily, I only meet that class two more times this month, and we agreed to meet at noon those days. SOOOOO, from 8:00 until 1:20 I just killed time. I picked up my books, read, went to Wall's and prowled around, ate lunch, drove out to Wintersmith Park, watched the geese, read some more, almost took a nap in the car, then went to class.
The class is going to be a killer. I have to have four kids to work with, a pre-schooler, one who has finished second grade, a middle schooler, and a high school student. All but the pre-schooler should be a student who struggles with reading. Besides spending twelve hours each week in class, I have to spend at least five hours with each of these kids. I'm so glad my mornings are free and that Tecumseh has summer school going. Surely I can find some kids who could benefit from some one-on-one time. I really would prefer just reading books and taking tests, but I know that this experience will tell me whether I can help kids who don't read well. I have focused all of my studies on secondary students, so the work with the elementary will be new to me. Since I have already passed the certification test, I just have to get through this summer, and I will be qualified to change jobs. Who would ever think that at 54 I would be looking at a new career.

Significant Day

Today is the only Monday of the summer that I will be at home. I begin my classes tomorrow and will have class Monday through Thursday afternoon for the month of June and Monday and Tuesday in July. I had a great day today. I went to town and walked, worked in my flower beds and little garden, cooked lunch and goofed off. Every time I started to get an idea of something that needed to be done, I stopped myself with the thought that I will be busy all summer. Today is the day for goofing off.
I know that after tomorrow I will have homework and reading to keep me occupied, so I will just force myself to relax.
No problem.