Running

Today our preacher's message was about Running from God. I related so very well to his story of Jonah. I ran from God for many years, and I hurt my mother so much in the process. My teen years were spent in complete rebellion against the values that my mother tried to instill in me. I am so envious when I hear someone give a testimony that honors God from the time of their salvation onward. On the other hand, I have something that they don't have. I have the knowledge that God kept chasing me all the time I was running. I have the assurance that all the time I was ignoring Him, He wasn't ignoring me. I vividly remember feeling conviction in the strangest places at the oddest times.
He kept placing people in my path until I finally listened to Him. I do live with regret that I probably need to let go of, but that regret gives me compassion that some Christians don't have. If I forget where I've been, I may become self-righteous. If I forget how far I strayed from God, I may give up on people who are living in rebellion. If I forget how steadfast my mother was all during those years, I may feel hopeless about the people I am praying for.
I continue to live with the consequences of my rebellion. Like my pastor, I think about the influence I could have been if I had been a witness to my friends during my teen years. I was a fool. I hope the consequences are not eternal.