July

This is a month that has always meant family for me. We have had a family picnic for the 4th every year. We didn't have one this year which should have bothered me, but it didn't. I want the kids to go to the lake when they can. We can have a dinner any time; it doesn't have to be exactly on the fourth. The 24th is Allison's birthday, and it was also her Grandad's, so we always spent much of the month getting ready for that. I used to go way overboard for her birthday when she was a little girl because all the stores had huge sales, so I would buy her new school clothes for her birthday, and she would model them for us. Now I usually give her money, but if I know her, she gets some new clothes.
It was in July of last year when we were all together for the last time. I never in a million years dreamed that I would never see Jason alive again after he left here last July.
This morning in Sunday School we talked about how good it is that we do not know what the future holds. I can't imagine the pain I would have felt if I had known I would never see him again. I probably would have tried to keep him here to change his fate. Would that have worked? That is a question that I will never get the answer to. I really don't know. If he had stayed here, would he still be alive? If I allow myself to think about that, I start getting mad--mad at the economy that made getting a job so difficult, mad at Jason for not taking precautions to keep himself safe, mad at all the people and circumstances that placed him where he was on Sept. 20th at 11:45.
It doesn't do me or anyone else any good to follow that line of thinking. As a matter of fact, it is harmful, so I try to avoid it. I just try to fondly remember the short time we spent together. Tony and I met him at On the Boarder in Norman on his way back from Ft. Worth. Then he came here for Allison's birthday. That was when we took that last family snapshot that has become such an important part of our family. He spent time at Kirby's and Ashley's and went to Stillwater to spend some time with Allison, Carson and her friends for her birthday.
This year July will be rough. I am lucky that I have so much school work to occupy my time. We may have to do things completely differently this year, but one thing I want to do is take a family picture. We haven't taken one since last July. It's time.