Chiseled in Stone

Vern Gosdin had a country song called "Chiseled in Stone" that had a line, "You don't know lonley til it's chiseled in stone." Tony and I discovered the truth of that statement this morning. I have made it a habit of driving by the cemetery several times a week to see if Jason's headstone has been set. This morning on the way back from our weekly trip to Hardesty's, we drove by and saw that it was there. I guess it was put up yesterday afternoon because I was by there Thursday.
We drove in to see it. I thought I had prepared myself for seeing his name in granite. After all I selected the stone, decided what we would put on it, paid for it, saw the computer generated picture of it, but nothing prepared me for seeing my son's name on a headstone. Tony and I both cried all the way home, something that hasn't happened in a while.
I went to Walmart to buy flowers so that it would have new flowers in the vase and went back out there. The second trip was somewhat easier. I didn't cry, but the heaviness in my chest will not go away.
I think I have to face a grim reality. For the remainder of my life, I will miss Jason. Even though the pain will lessen with time, it will never go away. Every time I hear that one of his friends is getting married, having a baby, living life, I feel a sadness that reminds me that his future was cut short. I was told that I will grieve the future. That is such a profound truth. I wanted so much for him to marry, have children, enjoy being an uncle. Now that I have seen his name chiseled in stone, I am reminded that his days on this earth are over, and I am lonely.