Jason's Birthday

I've been hearing from Jason's friends and family all day. Today, March 18th, would have been Jason's 34th birthday. There's that verb again, would have been; I've come to hate those words. I was told by a very wise friend that I would grieve the future. That's what I do. When I think of the living, breathing Jason, I smile, laugh, and remember the great kid and young man he was. He was always up for a good time, willing to go running around with me; he made me proud. He was such a happy child, a fun-loving teenager, and a contented man. What I am grieving is that he didn't get to be the husband and father that I wanted to see him become. As many of his friends have told me, kids loved Jason, and Jason loved kids. He was drawn to them and knew how to relate to them; I always thought he would be a great dad. That's where my grief lies. The would have beens are the most difficult.
This week I went snow skiing in Colorado. Our cabin was rustic, made of logs, and decorated with "cowboy" decorations. I couldn't look at anything on the place without thinking that Jason would have loved this place.
Friday will mark the six month anniversary of his death. He's been in heaven for six month--incredible. I wonder how his mansion is decorated. It may look very much like the little log cabin that I stayed in this week. There was a beautiful stream behind the cabins, stables next to them, and the mountains in the background. It was beautiful, but where he is cannot be compared to it. That's the only solace I have right now.
Jason always suffered with allergies in spring. Not this year. No Claritin in heaven.