This morning in his sermon Jimmy challenged us to turn off the noise and pray. I did that on the way home and my prayer turned into a question fest. I asked God Why?
Why have so many people I love had to die young? What am I supposed to learn from him in all of these deaths? Why do some people go through life without ever losing family members, and we have lost so many? What have I done to merit these losses? Get the idea; I had myself a full-blown pity party. I went home this afternoon in tears. Maybe that's why I have noise around me all the time because when I'm left in quiet, I lose my mind.
Tonight I watched 60 minutes and saw a story on the people who live in the Congo. One woman had lost her husband and three children to war and was then raped by a soldier? Every day is a struggle for survival, for food. I got my answer from God. That woman didn't do anything to deserve her fate any more than I did. Sin entered this world, and we are living proof that sin has consequences.
My method of survival in all the deaths in my family has always been to look for the sadder story. When I was grieving my mom's death 13 years ago, I had a girl in class whose mother had died when she was a freshman. I felt blessed to have had my mother for 41 years. When Phyllis died (by the way, I am now the age she was when she died) we had a sixteen year old boy in our school with testicular cancer. I saw him weekly sitting on the basketball bench wearing a sock cap to cover his bald head. I kept thinking of his twin brother whose fear of losing his brother so young was palpable. His parents were facing the worst possible tragedy, and I kept wondering how they were maintaining their faith and sanity.
Daddy was 83 when he died, and he went quickly: four days from a stroke to heaven. I was reminded of people who live for years after a debilitating stroke and celebrated that Daddy and our family didn't have to endure that. When Linda died, her chronic illnesses had handicapped her for so long that I had to celebrate that she was in heaven with perfect eyesight, no longer blind; with a perfect body, no longer bound by arthritis and excess weight. When Jason died, I couldn't imagine a sadder story. The first message I received from God was the day before Jason's funeral. Our former principal and his daughter happened to come to the funeral home when we were there. His daughter is 28 years and has never seen, never walked; she has experienced life in a body bound by cerebral palsy. She requires full-time care that her daddy now provides for her. Her communication with them is limited to signals and a few words. I was blessed with a healthy son who lived life in a healthy body for 33 years. Lesson one.
Lesson two. I received a card the week after Jason died from a family in Kansas who knew Jason through NCHA. Their only child died the April before after a four-wheeler accident. I have two other children to push me back into life. I can't imagine the emptiness they feel. Lesson three. In October I began communicating with a lady from Elmore City whose 14 year old daughter was killed in an auto accident. Her 17 year old son was driving the car. Such heartache for them all. They had to grieve their daughter and help their son survive the guilt. I think God put this "looking for the sadder story" in me. He knew the day I entered this world what I would face; he knew I would need an extra dose of faith; His Holy Spirit spoke to my mother during my childhood and said, "Teach her my Ways. She's going to need them in her lifetime." Thank you Lord for taking care of me in advance.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Another holiday season
Last year's holiday season was brutal. I couldn't find reason to celebrate. I couldn't find the strength to decorate. I just wanted the days to pass to get it over with. I have been told and have also experienced the reality that each year gets easier, but I wasn't sure that would be true after the loss of my child. I still had my moments this year; when I was making the "green stuff" Jason loved so much--lime jello, pecans, cream cheese, pineapple, and 7-up; when I was making pies and didn't feel the need to make a coconut pie; when we went to the movie Thanksgiving night. Jason loved movies, and we saw dozens the time he spent with us before he moved north. However, I can say that this year has been easier so far. We went shopping yesterday, and I kept thinking about the decorations that needed to be out at my house. That was a good sign to me. Last year I had to have friends over to decorate the tree. Allison told me she was feeling better about the holidays this year too. That's important to me. Our holidays have always been special. We have traditional foods, decorations, and gifts that I want to continue. I have always bought Hallmark ornaments for all three kids, and I will continue to do that. I have placed decorations in the same place--especially stockings. I will always put out Jason's stocking. I want my entire family to feel that he is still a part of our family; he has just moved to heaven. Someday we will begin adding family members, in-laws, cousins and grandchildren; I want them to feel that they know him. If we don't continue to talk about him and the things he contributed to our family, that won't happen.
One funny memory I have of Jason and Christmas decorations is from his freshman year in high school. We were having our first Christmas in Tecumseh, and I put up the decorations. Grandma Violet had made us a ceramic nativity scene that I had always placed on an end table on top of a nativity table cloth that I made. Jason came home and saw that I had put the nativity scene on the piano that year (for a change). He stopped and looked at it and said, "Mom, the nativity goes on that table." Who would have thought that a 14 year old would care, but from that day forward, I have never put it anywhere else. I had another dream about him last night. In this one I asked him if heaven was wonderful, and he just shook his head yes. It was almost like he didn't want to hurt my feelings and tell me he was happier there than here. I woke up feeling a warm feeling of peace.
One funny memory I have of Jason and Christmas decorations is from his freshman year in high school. We were having our first Christmas in Tecumseh, and I put up the decorations. Grandma Violet had made us a ceramic nativity scene that I had always placed on an end table on top of a nativity table cloth that I made. Jason came home and saw that I had put the nativity scene on the piano that year (for a change). He stopped and looked at it and said, "Mom, the nativity goes on that table." Who would have thought that a 14 year old would care, but from that day forward, I have never put it anywhere else. I had another dream about him last night. In this one I asked him if heaven was wonderful, and he just shook his head yes. It was almost like he didn't want to hurt my feelings and tell me he was happier there than here. I woke up feeling a warm feeling of peace.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Emotional week
Tuesday of this week one of my school mates from 1st to 12th grade faced a horrible tragedy. Her sixteen year old daughter was brutally murdered in their home. Her nineteen year old found her sister's battered body where it had been placed in a bed and covered to the neck. The girl's boyfriend has been arrested for the murder, so they are not only grieving their daughter, they are going to be facing a trial, media coverage, probably guilt for not seeing a troubled relationship. So many emotions. On top of all of that, her older daughter is going to need constant support for the horror that she experienced at such a young age.
I talked Judi, my friend, Thursday night and tried to say something that would help her through, but just as people told me so many times after Jason died, "I have no words." That is the truth. There are no words to take away this kind of grief.
When I talked to her, she said she had had reservations about this boy, but she knew that if she forbid her daughter from seeing him, she would sneak around. Isn't that just like a mom; she is second guessing her parenting just as we all do when our kids are involved. As parents we take on all the responsibility of our children's choices. If we think they have chosen to love the wrong person, we want to intervene and make them see the light, but truthfully, we can't really control them in that way. We can pray that they will see the light before it is too late. For this beautiful little girl, it is too late.
After I heard that the boyfriend had been arrested, I started thinking about his family. I've said many times this year that I would rather have gone through the death of Jason than to be the parent of...the girl in Florida who killed her two year old daughter, the shooter in any mass murder, a young man who goes off and kills his sixteen year old girlfriend in a fit of rage. The list goes on. Very often in recent years, the news is filled with stories of parents killing children, children killing parents, stories as old as Biblical times, but still shocking to humanity.
Every mother's and father's nightmare is for their child, boy or girl, to become involved with the wrong person, a person who will harm them physically or emotionally. Those of us who have lived very many year have witnessed many relationships that we've know were doomed from the start. Of course, those of us who have lived very many years have also witnessed some of those relationships result in strong, loving families.
All I can do is to pray that Allison and Carson choose wisely when they choose a mate. I've thought that it would be better if they would let me choose, but I certainly wouldn't want to take on that responsibility.
My prayers are with Judi and her family.
I talked Judi, my friend, Thursday night and tried to say something that would help her through, but just as people told me so many times after Jason died, "I have no words." That is the truth. There are no words to take away this kind of grief.
When I talked to her, she said she had had reservations about this boy, but she knew that if she forbid her daughter from seeing him, she would sneak around. Isn't that just like a mom; she is second guessing her parenting just as we all do when our kids are involved. As parents we take on all the responsibility of our children's choices. If we think they have chosen to love the wrong person, we want to intervene and make them see the light, but truthfully, we can't really control them in that way. We can pray that they will see the light before it is too late. For this beautiful little girl, it is too late.
After I heard that the boyfriend had been arrested, I started thinking about his family. I've said many times this year that I would rather have gone through the death of Jason than to be the parent of...the girl in Florida who killed her two year old daughter, the shooter in any mass murder, a young man who goes off and kills his sixteen year old girlfriend in a fit of rage. The list goes on. Very often in recent years, the news is filled with stories of parents killing children, children killing parents, stories as old as Biblical times, but still shocking to humanity.
Every mother's and father's nightmare is for their child, boy or girl, to become involved with the wrong person, a person who will harm them physically or emotionally. Those of us who have lived very many year have witnessed many relationships that we've know were doomed from the start. Of course, those of us who have lived very many years have also witnessed some of those relationships result in strong, loving families.
All I can do is to pray that Allison and Carson choose wisely when they choose a mate. I've thought that it would be better if they would let me choose, but I certainly wouldn't want to take on that responsibility.
My prayers are with Judi and her family.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
A letter to Jason
These last few days I have been missing Jason so much. I know what has triggered my thoughts of him. I have heard several pieces of information that has caused me to want to call him and share them with him. Life is continuing here, and his friends are having babies and living life. I still get a little sad when I hear about these things, and that makes me ashamed of myself. Now I'm going to write him a letter because I need to fill him in on the happenings of the past week. Maybe doing this will help me focus on the jobs at hand. I rejoice that his friends are enjoying the lives they have, so I'm going to fill Jason in.
Dear Jason,
I know that where you are you do not need a letter from me to tell you of the joy and sadness that we experience here on this planet, but I'm going to tell you anyway.
First, Mr. Blue is doing very well since his return from Korea for cancer treatment.
We're all so thankful.
Jill and Destry had their baby Friday afternoon, a little girl Destynee Jillian. She had a little trouble breathing at first, had to be intubated, but she is doing much better now. I just read that Jill and Destry are going home to see Tanner and Alycen and are heartsick about leaving Destynee in the hospital. That's a tough one.
The big news, Shawn delivered his baby Saturday morning at 1:00 AM on Hefner Parkway. They were on their way to Mercy, but just before they got there, he had to pull over and deliver little Jet Walker Jeffcoat. Shawn might be in a little trouble because he was posting from Cleveland, OK at 10:00 from the ballgame. I haven't talked to them, so I don't know how close she was to her due date, but I'm sure Friday night and Saturday morning were somewhat tense at the Jeffcoat house.
They came home from the hospital Monday. Oh yeah, from everything I have heard, they were expecting this one to be a girl. I guess all these gadgets we have here aren't that foolproof. Jet Walker is boy number four.
Mr. Capps is not doing very well. The family is getting Hospice help, so I know he must be really bad. He turned in his retirement request to the board meeting last night. It makes me so sad. We should be celebrating his retirement, but we can't. I'm so glad that we made him a T shirt quilt out of old Tecumseh Savage T shirts and were able to give it to him when he could use it.
Heather Harwell's mother has been in ICU for over a week. She is on a ventilator, and Ellen and Bill are staying with her. I know Ellen is really missing Heather right now. She is having to shoulder the entire responsibility. I remember being in that situation with mom, but I had Phyllis, Linda, Butch and Peggy and Gary and Kathy to help. I hope they can take the vent off soon. I haven't seen Carol in years, but she has always been so full of life. Not being able to communicate must be horrible for her. She wrote us the sweetest note after you died and said the same thing I am experiencing. When she heard of your wreck, she immediately wanted to call Heather. Then she realized Heather already knew.
Bob Trousdale's cancer is also very advanced. He has been told that there is nothing more that can be done for him. This too makes me sad, but I saw on Facebook (I so wish that you and I had gotten on Facebook that last year you lived in Nebraska; nobody is out-of-range.) Bob is doing an interview for his church about traveling a difficult road with faith. Bob certainly has faith that carries over to all of us.
OK, enough bad news. Carson's 22nd birthday is tomorrow. I know that would bother you. I remember when Kirby turned 21, you said that you didn't like those little boys becoming adults. We'll all meet in the city tomorrow night to eat. Those dinners are always a little bittersweet. We miss you most on those occasions.
You don't know this, but Aaron has married a very nice girl, Jennifer, who has four kids. With his two, her four, and the one they are expecting, they will have seven children. Sherri is already stressed about buying Christmas. Oh yea, the one they are expecting is another girl. I think two of Jennifer's kids are boys, so Aaron will always have someone to hunt with. Sherri really likes this girl.
Dennis and Kristen have two beautiful little girls. The youngest is just a month or so old. Terrye and I are friends on facebook, so I've seen pictures. So cute. Kristen has taken off to be home with them.
This is all that I can think of that I have wanted to call you about except, of course, Cowboy football. Your Cowboys are playing very well. You would be proud.
We all love you and miss you. I'd give anything for one of those long talks you and I used to have. Sorry to have to share so much sad news, but keeping it all in has been killing me. I guess there is a filter between here and heaven, so you won't get to read the bad news anyway. There may be some familiar faces for you to meet in the next few weeks. Keep an eye on the gate.
Dear Jason,
I know that where you are you do not need a letter from me to tell you of the joy and sadness that we experience here on this planet, but I'm going to tell you anyway.
First, Mr. Blue is doing very well since his return from Korea for cancer treatment.
We're all so thankful.
Jill and Destry had their baby Friday afternoon, a little girl Destynee Jillian. She had a little trouble breathing at first, had to be intubated, but she is doing much better now. I just read that Jill and Destry are going home to see Tanner and Alycen and are heartsick about leaving Destynee in the hospital. That's a tough one.
The big news, Shawn delivered his baby Saturday morning at 1:00 AM on Hefner Parkway. They were on their way to Mercy, but just before they got there, he had to pull over and deliver little Jet Walker Jeffcoat. Shawn might be in a little trouble because he was posting from Cleveland, OK at 10:00 from the ballgame. I haven't talked to them, so I don't know how close she was to her due date, but I'm sure Friday night and Saturday morning were somewhat tense at the Jeffcoat house.
They came home from the hospital Monday. Oh yeah, from everything I have heard, they were expecting this one to be a girl. I guess all these gadgets we have here aren't that foolproof. Jet Walker is boy number four.
Mr. Capps is not doing very well. The family is getting Hospice help, so I know he must be really bad. He turned in his retirement request to the board meeting last night. It makes me so sad. We should be celebrating his retirement, but we can't. I'm so glad that we made him a T shirt quilt out of old Tecumseh Savage T shirts and were able to give it to him when he could use it.
Heather Harwell's mother has been in ICU for over a week. She is on a ventilator, and Ellen and Bill are staying with her. I know Ellen is really missing Heather right now. She is having to shoulder the entire responsibility. I remember being in that situation with mom, but I had Phyllis, Linda, Butch and Peggy and Gary and Kathy to help. I hope they can take the vent off soon. I haven't seen Carol in years, but she has always been so full of life. Not being able to communicate must be horrible for her. She wrote us the sweetest note after you died and said the same thing I am experiencing. When she heard of your wreck, she immediately wanted to call Heather. Then she realized Heather already knew.
Bob Trousdale's cancer is also very advanced. He has been told that there is nothing more that can be done for him. This too makes me sad, but I saw on Facebook (I so wish that you and I had gotten on Facebook that last year you lived in Nebraska; nobody is out-of-range.) Bob is doing an interview for his church about traveling a difficult road with faith. Bob certainly has faith that carries over to all of us.
OK, enough bad news. Carson's 22nd birthday is tomorrow. I know that would bother you. I remember when Kirby turned 21, you said that you didn't like those little boys becoming adults. We'll all meet in the city tomorrow night to eat. Those dinners are always a little bittersweet. We miss you most on those occasions.
You don't know this, but Aaron has married a very nice girl, Jennifer, who has four kids. With his two, her four, and the one they are expecting, they will have seven children. Sherri is already stressed about buying Christmas. Oh yea, the one they are expecting is another girl. I think two of Jennifer's kids are boys, so Aaron will always have someone to hunt with. Sherri really likes this girl.
Dennis and Kristen have two beautiful little girls. The youngest is just a month or so old. Terrye and I are friends on facebook, so I've seen pictures. So cute. Kristen has taken off to be home with them.
This is all that I can think of that I have wanted to call you about except, of course, Cowboy football. Your Cowboys are playing very well. You would be proud.
We all love you and miss you. I'd give anything for one of those long talks you and I used to have. Sorry to have to share so much sad news, but keeping it all in has been killing me. I guess there is a filter between here and heaven, so you won't get to read the bad news anyway. There may be some familiar faces for you to meet in the next few weeks. Keep an eye on the gate.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Another American tragedy.
We've had another senseless shooting spree in America; this time on an Army base. I can't imagine the pain the families of the soldiers are experiencing. If their loved one was home from the Middle East, they probably breathed a sigh of relief when they touched down in Texas. If they were deploying, they probably felt they were save while on American soil. What an ultimate betrayal, to have your soldier murdered by a fellow soldier. I know we always have occasions of friendly fire but not anything like this.
Now the debate has turned to religion. The shooter was Muslim everyone says. I say the shooter was mentally ill. We've had plenty of people who claimed Christianity do abhorrent things, not because they were Christian, but because they were crazy.
One of the best things Christians can do now is to pray for the victims' families, pray for those wounded, and pray that this doesn't add fuel to the fire that is always about to flare between Christians and Muslims.
I am a Christian, but I'm not afraid of American Muslims. You may think I am stupid, but if I am truly thinking that Jesus loves everyone, I should try to be an example of Jesus' love to everyone.
Blaming all who belong to the nation of Islam for this tragedy is like blaming all the Christians for the actions of the KKK. The radicals of all religions do not reflect the majority. They just get the attention.
Now the debate has turned to religion. The shooter was Muslim everyone says. I say the shooter was mentally ill. We've had plenty of people who claimed Christianity do abhorrent things, not because they were Christian, but because they were crazy.
One of the best things Christians can do now is to pray for the victims' families, pray for those wounded, and pray that this doesn't add fuel to the fire that is always about to flare between Christians and Muslims.
I am a Christian, but I'm not afraid of American Muslims. You may think I am stupid, but if I am truly thinking that Jesus loves everyone, I should try to be an example of Jesus' love to everyone.
Blaming all who belong to the nation of Islam for this tragedy is like blaming all the Christians for the actions of the KKK. The radicals of all religions do not reflect the majority. They just get the attention.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Find the right fit.
One of the statements in Jimmy's sermon yesterday that I have thought so many times is if you don't agree with the way a church worships, keep looking. Why would anyone stay in a church that is not a fit for them when on another corner in town, they could find the right fit. That's why we have so many denominations and styles of worship.
If someone would ask me what my style is, I would have to say conservative/contemporary. This only makes sense to me. I want contemporary music, teaching, setting, but I am conservative in my behavior in church. I almost always wear a dress; I don't care what everyone else wears. I sing along, but I don't raise my hands in praise. I sometimes want to, but that's just not something I do. Why? Don't know.
My opinion about the typical Baptist church around here is that we are afraid of rituals because someone might think were too close to Catholic, and we are afraid of being too demonstrative because someone might think were too close to Charismatic. So, we rock along in the middle. Before I settled on Harrah Church, I visited a variety of other churches. If I liked the music, I didn't care for the preaching. I require a smart preacher. I refuse to sit week after week and listen to a man speak to me if he hasn't studied more than I have. I want to be taught every week. If I liked the preaching, I usually didn't care for the music. That's why Harrah Church is such a good fit. The music has changed drastically since I first started attending, but the change has been for a valid reason. We are trying to reach people who have never been to church. We can't reach them with songs like.
We're marching to Zion, beautiful, beautiful, Zion
We're marching upward to Zion, the beautiful city of God.
I really like that song, but I grew up singing it.
I also used to sing the four part harmony songs like:
I'll Fly Away, When we all get to Heaven, I'll meet you by the river.
Can you imagine an unchurched person visiting a church for the first time and picking up a hymnal and trying to follow along while everyone is singing different words at different times.
I want people who come in to our church to look at the screen and sing along with the praise songs that we sing today. We often have traditional hymns that have been "remixed" but only those who grew up singing hymns would know that.
I wish I had a surefire way to get visitors to come to church with me. I have to keep praying for opportunities.
If someone would ask me what my style is, I would have to say conservative/contemporary. This only makes sense to me. I want contemporary music, teaching, setting, but I am conservative in my behavior in church. I almost always wear a dress; I don't care what everyone else wears. I sing along, but I don't raise my hands in praise. I sometimes want to, but that's just not something I do. Why? Don't know.
My opinion about the typical Baptist church around here is that we are afraid of rituals because someone might think were too close to Catholic, and we are afraid of being too demonstrative because someone might think were too close to Charismatic. So, we rock along in the middle. Before I settled on Harrah Church, I visited a variety of other churches. If I liked the music, I didn't care for the preaching. I require a smart preacher. I refuse to sit week after week and listen to a man speak to me if he hasn't studied more than I have. I want to be taught every week. If I liked the preaching, I usually didn't care for the music. That's why Harrah Church is such a good fit. The music has changed drastically since I first started attending, but the change has been for a valid reason. We are trying to reach people who have never been to church. We can't reach them with songs like.
We're marching to Zion, beautiful, beautiful, Zion
We're marching upward to Zion, the beautiful city of God.
I really like that song, but I grew up singing it.
I also used to sing the four part harmony songs like:
I'll Fly Away, When we all get to Heaven, I'll meet you by the river.
Can you imagine an unchurched person visiting a church for the first time and picking up a hymnal and trying to follow along while everyone is singing different words at different times.
I want people who come in to our church to look at the screen and sing along with the praise songs that we sing today. We often have traditional hymns that have been "remixed" but only those who grew up singing hymns would know that.
I wish I had a surefire way to get visitors to come to church with me. I have to keep praying for opportunities.
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