I called this blog Jason's Mom because the day I became his mom, my identity was clear. I had been Nate and Mabel's youngest, Linda, Phyllis and Nathan's baby sister, Tony's wife, but when I became Jason's mom, I became focused on my purpose in life. Later I would also bear the name of Allison's mom and Carson's mom, so I still have my purpose. I just don't have Jason. I have no idea why I am writing in this blog, but I am grieving and can't sleep. It is 2:21 A.M.; I've been lying here since 11:30--thinking, remembering, reading, but not sleeping, so now I will write. It is my therapy.
Jason was born March 18, 1975 in Shawnee, Oklahoma. The day of his birth was an event in our home town of Tecumseh. I had been in labor for awhile and wasn't progressing, so at 2:00 the doctor told me he would perform a c-section at 5:00. Word spread like wildfire, and my memory is clear of a sea of faces looking down the hall when I was being rolled into surgery. Honestly it was a little overwhelming. Too many people for what seemed a private event, but that would begin a life for a baby that grew into a man whose funeral was one of the largest our town has ever seen.
Jason died in a tragic one vehicle accident one week and two days ago in Gordon, Nebraska. We had almost a week of preparation before we could bury him because he was so far away when he died. Now the family has gone home, his brother and sister have gone back to Stillwater, his dad and I are trying to put our home back together, and I can't sleep.
Maybe if I write down some of my thoughts, I will find release from the sleeplessness. I may find it too hurtful and give it up. Who knows?
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Movies
- Where the Heart Is
- Driving Miss Daisy
- Gone With the Wind
- Sleepless in Seattle
- You've Got Mail
- The Sound of Music
- Waitress
2 comments:
Oh Debbie.............This is so comforting to me. To read the words that have been going through your mind for your son. Your loss is deep, I hope this blog will give you some peace. You say it so well. (you should realy consider writing a book)......... I love reading stories about Jason. I hope others will share their stories about Jason.
WRITE-ON SISTER!
Debbie, I just have to share this with others because or in spite of the tragedy, this could be a great ministry that might ease your pain and those who find themselves in this horrible situation. I was doing a Beth Moore study and this just stood out to me-"A loved one's death is not a time to quit bothering Jesus. He may not raise our loved one from the dead, but He does countless things to get us through our losses. Comfort is our most obvious need." So bother the heck out of Jesus, cuz, cause He alone can give you the comfort you need. luv ya, Becky
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