March 18th

I never dreamed 36 years ago that I would start March 18th with a visit to the cemetery. Jason's birthday is here again and with it comes the full range of emotions in our family. We miss him; we celebrate him; we grieve him; we love him; we long to see him; mostly, we remember him.
As a baby, Jason was a dream for two young parents who didn't have a clue. He never spit up, he was never sick until he was about eight months old, he was happy, he was an entertainer. He ate like a baby is supposed to eat. The only thing I ever worried about during his first years was that he got the hiccups every time he laughed out loud. I was afraid that he would always do that.
As a pre-schooler, he was a whirlwind of activity--his scars all came before he started to school. I could not get that boy to think before he moved.
As an elementary school kid, he was just fun. His teachers all laughed at the number of times he would volunteer me to make cookies. He had no inhibitions; he was always willing to step us and participate. One year his teacher (I think it was Mrs. Yates) brought gourmet foods to class and had a tasting party. Jason tasted every food--caviar, chocolate covered ants, whatever she brought. He got the super taster award at the end of the year. He played the lead in a musical where he sang solos and performed without fear. He was a great kid.
As a teenager Jason was busy, busy, busy. His horse show schedule combined with Ag, basketball, and school (which was not high on his priority list) kept him in constant motion. I was so fortunate to join him at THS during his sophomore year and share in the fun. He had great, loyal friendships and a sweet girlfriend who is now with him in heaven.
As an adult Jason experienced the range of ups and downs that everyone faces. He loved his time at Connors and OSU, maybe a little too much. He loved training and showing horses. When he married, I had no reservations, but it didn't last. That was something he just couldn't get over. He made several statements to me that made me think that he thought he had let us down. I hope I was able to convey to him that we recognized that marriage is difficult, and many, many people have a hard time staying married today.
What would he be doing today if he had lived? I have no idea. He would still be horsing around; I'm sure of that. It does me no good to think that way. What is he doing today? Something so wonderful that I couldn't describe it even if I could get a glimpse of his eternal life.
I went to the cemetery this morning and saw that the tulips that I planted there this time last year have come up. They haven't bloomed, but they look healthy and full and ready to bloom any day now. That felt like a little message from God to me. It said, "I'm here; your boy is with me; everything will be ok."