2011

2011--whether you say "two thousand eleven" or "twenty eleven" doesn't matter. The year is here, and with it comes all the "new year" thoughts and feelings. I don't make many resolutions any longer. I've become cynical because I know that I don't keep many of them. I've started a diet because I don't feel very well at my current weight. It is no longer about looks for me; I just want to feel good, and I think I will feel better with some weight off.
We're going skiing in March, and I always ski better when I weigh less. Is that a sign of maturity or an admission of reality? The reality is that at 56 years old, I no longer try to get ready for swimsuit season which was always my motivation to lose weight when I was younger. Now I just want to eat healthy so that I will enjoy this life.
2011--puts us one year farther away from the last time I saw Jason. He was here in July 2008--it doesn't seem possible that it has been over two years since I saw him or spoke to him.
With all of the other people whom I have lost in my life, a certain time after their deaths I started having dreams about them. The dreams are very real and usually just include them in a family gathering--it's never a one-on-one situation. The dreams don't make me sad because I feel like I just got a little visit from Mom, Dad, Phyllis, or Linda, but I haven't dreamed about Jason much. I wonder what the psychology of that is. Maybe it would be too painful for me, so my mind won't let me go there.
2011--what will it bring? I've quit guessing or predicting. Life is going to happen. I'm just along for the ride.