Coming off drugs.

I'm a fortunate person in that I've never really had an addiction to anything dangerous--unless, of course, you think Diet Coke is dangerous. I haven't had a diet coke since Dec. 31st, and I'm doing fine. Week before last I went to the doctor because of my high blood pressure surprise, and I asked him how to stop taking the Cymbalta (anti-depressant) that I began taking last March. I started taking it during spring break the week of Jason's birthday. I had avoided anti-depressants before because I felt that taking them would just postpone my grief.
I don't know how much it helped me with my grief, but I do know that it held off my tears. It is awkward when you work around 17 year olds to cry at inopportune moments.
The doctor said to take them every other day for a week and then stop, so that's what I've done.
I guess they did work because I've been very weepy for the last few days. Since we've been housebound because of the snow, I've been watching television, and I've wiped tears at movies, the news, and a few commercials.
The reality is that Jason's death and the grief that goes with it never quite leaves my mind. It didn't leave it from March to now, and it won't leave me from now until I die. I will never stop missing him. I can't take a pill to make all things good again, so I'm going to tough it out to see if I can make it without pills.
How do people survive life on this earth? There's so much sadness, so much suffering, so much destruction, both man-made and nature-made. I have so many questions about all of this, and when those questions start getting to me I have to revisit some truths that are revealed to me through God's word.
I also have to revisit the good on this earth. I am blessed beyond measure with family and friends; the people that are in my life on this earth keep me focused on what is important here. The response to tragedy here reminds me that in the face of horror, it takes people to make those tragedies bearable.