September

This week will bring with it the first of September. Last year September kicked my butt. As soon as I started seeing that month, I began to relive the previous year. Up to the 20th, I kept thinking--this time last year, Jason was still here. Did I talk to him one year ago today? What was he doing? Then from the 20th on---my thoughts went through reliving the days following his death. I am determined to meet September head on this year. I planted mums today. As soon as the pansies and cabbages are out in the stores, I will plant them. I will watch and enjoy OSU, Miami Dolphins, and THS football. I will remember Jason, but this year, I'm determined to remember the good. I have some projects to do that will occupy my time and bless the people who loved him. I refuse to let a month that always was a pleasant month for me become a month of constant pain.
September was usually a month of misery for Jason. His fall allergies were pretty rough. Claritin, Allegra, Zyrtec, nose spray..He tried it all. That's one consolation I have. There's no need for that stuff in heaven.
That's really the only way I can survive. He still exists. He is whole, healthy,
perfect. Even those precious scars that so identified him here are gone. I know that my friends and family are praying for us this month and every month. I also know that God is answering those prayers. The most unimaginable pain is survivable. I really didn't think it was. I really thought that losing a child would destroy me, but Jason is in my future. I don't know how many Septembers I have before I see him, but I refuse to let the month knock me flat ever again.
I am a child of God with a future in heaven. The days of my life here on this earth are nothing compared to the time I have in eternity. I will forever focus on that.