Remembering Mom

I have made it very certain to anyone that knows me that I owe more than even I know to my mom's influence. Mom was older than most of my friend's moms. She was thirty-three when I was born, so she had already had so much parenting experience by the time I was around that our relationship was effortless.
I was such a brat. Mom went to work at Montgomery Ward's when I was in the fourth grade. I was worried because Mom was our Campfire Leader. Guess what, we had Campfire at our house on her day off, every Monday afternoon. I don't think I had any idea what exactly that meant until I became a mom and thought about giving up part of my only day off each week for a bunch of silly girls. That didn't last long because mom became the head cashier very quickly and then had Saturday's off. She had a perfect job in a retail chain. She worked eight to five, no weekends, no holidays, but she had so much responsibility. After she retired, used to tell me that if she ever applied for another job, she wanted one with no responsibility. She was probably what is called today a Human Resources person. She took care of payroll (cash envelopes every Wednesday) and daily deposits. She took care of insurance and personnel. Even though she was not in management, many of the employees considered her their boss. Not bad for someone who only finished tenth grade. She was very smart. After she retired, she worked seasonally for H&R Block, she took care of my grandparents and had Grandpa move in with them after Grandma died, she kept Carson and Evan, and then she went to work at the daycare at church. She was still working there until she got so sick she was walking down the hall and holding on to the wall. She said it kept her mind off of herself.
When I think about her life, I always feel that she never got to just enjoy being free. She always had someone to take care of, but that was her gift.
She was a great mom, but she was a terrific Granny. Her grandchildren were her focus in a very healthy way. She wasn't the type to feel the need to stick her nose in to their business, but because of who she was and how she interracted with them, they included her in their lives.
I used to think that it wasn't a good thing for grandparents to keep their grandkids while their parents worked. That was until Mom started keeping Carson for me. I can't tell you how wonderful it was to drop him off where I knew he would be adored by both Mom and Dad all day. Then there was the added perk of Mom cooking stew or chili or beans or an apple pie and saying, "Why don't you take some of this home with you, your dad and I can't eat all of this." That was AWESOME.
I've tried to be like Mom but will never feel that I am a tenth of the person she was. I was a different kind of mom, but if I ever get to be a grandparent, I intend to be just like her.
One really neat memory was the Christmas that she and Dad bought Atari systems for all the families. My sister-in-law and I left the day after Christmas to go shopping and left Toby, Jason, Brandy, and Allison with Granny. When we got home, the living room was a wreck, toys were everywhere, and Mom was sitting in the floor playing Pacman with the kids. That's exactly the kind of Granny I want to be.
She is the voice in my head, in a very good way.