Another holiday season

Last year's holiday season was brutal. I couldn't find reason to celebrate. I couldn't find the strength to decorate. I just wanted the days to pass to get it over with. I have been told and have also experienced the reality that each year gets easier, but I wasn't sure that would be true after the loss of my child. I still had my moments this year; when I was making the "green stuff" Jason loved so much--lime jello, pecans, cream cheese, pineapple, and 7-up; when I was making pies and didn't feel the need to make a coconut pie; when we went to the movie Thanksgiving night. Jason loved movies, and we saw dozens the time he spent with us before he moved north. However, I can say that this year has been easier so far. We went shopping yesterday, and I kept thinking about the decorations that needed to be out at my house. That was a good sign to me. Last year I had to have friends over to decorate the tree. Allison told me she was feeling better about the holidays this year too. That's important to me. Our holidays have always been special. We have traditional foods, decorations, and gifts that I want to continue. I have always bought Hallmark ornaments for all three kids, and I will continue to do that. I have placed decorations in the same place--especially stockings. I will always put out Jason's stocking. I want my entire family to feel that he is still a part of our family; he has just moved to heaven. Someday we will begin adding family members, in-laws, cousins and grandchildren; I want them to feel that they know him. If we don't continue to talk about him and the things he contributed to our family, that won't happen.
One funny memory I have of Jason and Christmas decorations is from his freshman year in high school. We were having our first Christmas in Tecumseh, and I put up the decorations. Grandma Violet had made us a ceramic nativity scene that I had always placed on an end table on top of a nativity table cloth that I made. Jason came home and saw that I had put the nativity scene on the piano that year (for a change). He stopped and looked at it and said, "Mom, the nativity goes on that table." Who would have thought that a 14 year old would care, but from that day forward, I have never put it anywhere else. I had another dream about him last night. In this one I asked him if heaven was wonderful, and he just shook his head yes. It was almost like he didn't want to hurt my feelings and tell me he was happier there than here. I woke up feeling a warm feeling of peace.