Last night I had my first dream about Jason. It didn't make me sad like I thought it would; this morning I felt like I had spent the night visiting with him and my sister Phyllis. We were at Phyllis's house, working in the kitchen, and Jason came in with a wet swimsuit. Phyllis was fussing at him for dripping everywhere, and he was laughing and ignoring her. She never could get him to mind because she thought everything he did was funny.
I am taking a medication (Cymbalta) that has one side effect of vivid dreams. It is a regular occurence for me to get to school and find someone that I had a strange dream about the night before. Most of the dreams are about nothing I can even remotely connect to my life. I think I am a good candidate for the sleep and dreams clinic at OU, but I'm afraid they will take my to the east side of Norman if they dig too deep into my psyche. I would like to talk to someone who could help me analyze them.
After months of the wierd dreams, I only have two that seem the least bit connected. I have dreamed of my parents' house twice. In both of the dreams, the house looked like it did when I was a kid. Daddy did two big remodels on the house. One was to make a garage and bedroom into a den, and the other was to put new kitchen cabinets in the kitchen. In both of my dreams, those remodels had not happened. One of our school counselors told me I was trying to retain precious memories. That makes sense, but why have I dreamed this week that two of our teachers have had weddings or vow renewals? Both of these teachers have been married quite a while. What in the world is that connected to?
I'm trying to get the courage to start the process of going off the depression medication. I have been taking it about six months. The only thing that I really notice about its effectiveness is that I don't cry. Before I started taking the medicine in March, I would suddenly get teary eyed at very inopportune moments. I would be trying to teach a class at school or at church, and something would trigger tears. I also was very frustrated that I couldn't get anything finished. I was having trouble focusing on tasks that had to be done, so my doctor, Doogie Howser, prescribed an anti-depressant. I know that I am not supposed to just go off the drug, so I will need to go back to see him to get his advice. I'm really thinking that after the holidays, I will give it a try. I know that there are lots of people who take drugs like this, but I don't really like take them. I'm a born-again, believer in the God of Heaven. Shouldn't I be able to cope without drugs? We'll see.
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- Where the Heart Is
- Driving Miss Daisy
- Gone With the Wind
- Sleepless in Seattle
- You've Got Mail
- The Sound of Music
- Waitress
4 comments:
I had too as well after our losses. I too was taking cymbalta. For the exact same reason. I knew I couldn' keep crying all the time, and as you say at the most inopportune times. I whiched to Effexor ER, so I can cry some and that is a great release, your body needs to feel that, I was just crying too much. I think I will try to quit after the holidays as well. I want to do this with my partnership with God. Good luck sweetie, as long as your not having nightmares..enjoy
Mrs. Humphrey, I was on an anti-depressant too for the death of my brother and father. I know what you mean, after a while you just simply cannot cry even if you want to. Sometimes I think women NEED tears. Eventually I weaned myself off of them but looking back now boy did I ever need them and I am so glad I took them. I think when you start considering getting off of them for valid reasons it's a good indication that you might be ready to get off of them. But I agree, AFTER the holidays for sure.
I am glad you had a pleasant dream about Jason, the first several I had about my brother were NOT good. They were always nightmares and I started having night terrors, it wasn't until I got pregnant with Lawson that they became like wonderful visits like you said. And the one's about my Dad have always been great ;) Aren't dreams odd? I'm with you, I would like to have my dreams analyzed but again, like you, I might end up at Griffin Memorial right next to you..lol...Wouldn't THAT be a sight ;)
Haley, we would have a blast at Griffin Mem. together.
Debbie, be kind to yourself about taking antidepressants. It's not a weakness to have a broken bone set...or take insulin if you are diabetic, is it? Depression is biological as well as situational. It does not mean you have less faith.
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