Year one

In just one hour Jason will have been in heaven for one full year. I'm hoping that my Tylenol PM will take effect soon, and I will go to sleep. My head and heart has been full of Jason this weekend. I've laughed, cried, and felt every emotion that a mother feels when she is proud of the kid she raised. I've tried to think about his life here on this earth. I've tried to see the contribution he made to the planet. It wasn't financial; he didn't care a thing about money. It wasn't by leaving behind a family for which I am both resentful and grateful. It wasn't fame although I am still amazed at the number of friends he had. What did he leave us? Jason left zest for life, loyalty to friends and family, laughter, concern, comfort, consideration and a multitude of other virtues that will come to me later.
How have I survived this year? First, I know Jason is in heaven with Jesus and the loved ones who have gone before. That gives me a great deal of comfort. I've wondered if they will have a birthday party in heaven for him. He loved Phyllis' carrot cake. Maybe she made him one.
I know that part of the reason I have put one foot in front of the other this year is because my mother equipped me for this life. If you are reading this while you are raising children, take your children to church. Give them the opportunity when their hearts are tender to accept Jesus and know his salvation. Give them the tools that will help them navigate the heartache and sorrow this life may offer them. I know my mother had no idea what I would face, so she provided a way for me to face whatever came my way.
I have a wonderful family. Yesterday Tony and I went to Stillwater and tailgated with Allison, Carson, and their friends. Then we went to the ballgame, took our first family picture since July of 08 and enjoyed one another's company. No one can know how difficult it is to continue living without Jason, but there's no excuse for us to stop living. He is in a place that will never experience the pain of death, suffering, worry, stress, financial concerns, illness...the list goes on.
I have an awesome Sunday School class that enjoys one another's company and has a deep concern for each other. We laugh and share our lives and then share the truths of our faith.
Allison, Mike, Crystal, Erica, and all the kids came to church today and then we went out to lunch at Garfield's. Kids eat free on Sunday. I sat at the table with Toni Henry, Allison, Mike and Ashton and Gavin. Ashton and Gavin are both four-years-old and kept us entertained the entire meal. The sang songs they have learned in school this year, drew pictures on the table, and made me laugh. Ashton kept calling me Gwamma and asked my why I didn't ever come to his house. I got to thinking that if he really thinks I'm his Gwamma, he must think I'm a terrible one. I'm going to start visiting him more often. Actually, I'm his great, great aunt. I know that seems incredible, but his Papa Gary Powell (that's what the kids call him) is my nephew. I was five when he was born, so his kids and mine were raised together. They couldn't be closer than if they were all first cousins.
I came home Thursday from work with a beautiful painting of running horses with a scripture on it(I'd put the scripture in here, but I would have to get out of bed to go read it). Attached to the gift were many, many "thinking of you" cards from the faculty and staff of my school.
I kept thinking of a way that I could thank them tomorrow without the emotional scene of thanking them verbally or the impersonal thank you note. My idea--cookies.
I will thank them with cookies, so tonight I made chocolate chip, white chocolate/cranberry/coconut, and peanut butter cookies to take to school tomorrow.
I love the people I work with. They are some of the kindest, most generous people I have ever met. There are very few of them who knew Jason, but they have let me share my funny stories with them, so they all feel like they knew him. I hope I don't drive them crazy with my stories. Just when you think you have told all the stories and don't need to share them any more, we get a new faculty member, so we all start sharing our funniest ones. Some of us have been around for so long that we have heard most of the stories, but that doesn't stop us. We all still laugh which is what gets us through the day. Sometimes I'm so tired after laughing at lunch that I feel like I've been doing aerobics. I'm sure we burn some calories.