Several of our friends and family are facing some of life's greatest tests. I thought that I had been tested before, but losing Jason has been the greatest test of my life. I am determined that I will pass this test. I will remain faithful to the God of creation, I will not give in to the sadness that tries to overcome me, I will continue to be a happy person, I will be the example for my other kids.
What is amazing is that so many of our friends and family are having to "buck up" and face a test themselves. Cancer diagnoses--unexpected divorce, financial loss, death, long-term illness, accidents, loss of home; the list goes on and on.
What is the difference in how we handle these hardships? I may be prejudiced, but I have to admire the way people of faith deal with life.
I know I can never go back to the time before Jason's death, but I will not let his death define me. I have heard statements like, "Well _________has never been the same since__________died."
I will not let my kids say, "Mom was a happy person before Jason died."
"Mom was not bitter until Jason died." "I enjoyed spending time with Mom until Jason died." That is an unacceptable way to live as a Christ follower.
I am still grieving Jason; I will until I see him again, but the important thing is that I will see him again.
All of these people who are experiencing the tough times of life have been a clear witness to me. I want to handle life as a Christ follower should--looking to eternity and knowing that what happens here can cause sadness, stress, sorrow, but what happens here cannot steal our Joy.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
My heart is hurting for the Nunnally kids
I have no business stopping my homework to post this, but my heart is hurting, and if I write it down, I can focus on my notebook. I went to a funeral today of a mom, stepdad, and their 8 month old grandbaby. I have had their children in class, but I did not know the parents.
I can't imagine the pain that Heather is feeling right now. Not only did she lose her mom and stepdad, but she had to bury her 8 month old baby girl also. I didn't want to go. All morning I kept thinking, "It won't matter if I go; there will be plenty of people there: I didn't really know these people: I have too much to do to stop now: It will be too hard because it was in the same church that we had Jason's service in;" and on, and on, and on... Finally at one o'clock I decided that I would go.
I have been wondering what I could say to these kids. I didn't know if their parents were Christians. I could tell the young mother that she could see her baby again, but if her parents weren't Christians, what if she asked me about their fate. I could tell them to rest on their faith, that that would be the only thing that would bring real peace and comfort. But what if they had no faith, what would I say when they asked me why God allowed this tragedy to happen.
I'm so glad I went. I learned that this couple had recently been attending church in Earlsboro and were talking to the pastor about joining the church, so now I don't have to worry about discussing their fate with their children. What can I tell these kids?
I can tell Heather something that a grieving mom told me. You will never grieve again the way you have for your child. Your heart has survived true heartbreak, and that heartbreak will serve you well. You will be able to tell others who experience the death of a child that it is horrible, but that you will see happy times again.
I can tell both of them that their mom, stepdad, and Summer are together in paradise, and if we could see them now, we would not want to bring them back here where there is pain, suffering, and death.
I can tell them that the best way to survive this is to draw from the strength of the family and friends who love them.
The preacher told one little illustration that gave me comfort. He told us to imagine that these three people were on a ship that left the harbor. We watched them until the ship they were in grew smaller and smaller until they went over the horizon, and then we couldn't see them any longer. On the other side, others were standing on a dock watching the ship appear on the horizon and get larger and larger. The people on the dock were saying "Here they come." They were greeted by family and friends already in heaven.
I loved that image. I can see our family and friends waiting for Jason last September. Some of those people had never met him, but they were there because they already loved him. They may have known him as a child, so they were going to meet him as a man. What a comforting image.
I told Chris, the young man I had in class, that I was praying for him. I am and will continue to do so. I hope he got the same comfort out of the message today that I did.
I can't imagine the pain that Heather is feeling right now. Not only did she lose her mom and stepdad, but she had to bury her 8 month old baby girl also. I didn't want to go. All morning I kept thinking, "It won't matter if I go; there will be plenty of people there: I didn't really know these people: I have too much to do to stop now: It will be too hard because it was in the same church that we had Jason's service in;" and on, and on, and on... Finally at one o'clock I decided that I would go.
I have been wondering what I could say to these kids. I didn't know if their parents were Christians. I could tell the young mother that she could see her baby again, but if her parents weren't Christians, what if she asked me about their fate. I could tell them to rest on their faith, that that would be the only thing that would bring real peace and comfort. But what if they had no faith, what would I say when they asked me why God allowed this tragedy to happen.
I'm so glad I went. I learned that this couple had recently been attending church in Earlsboro and were talking to the pastor about joining the church, so now I don't have to worry about discussing their fate with their children. What can I tell these kids?
I can tell Heather something that a grieving mom told me. You will never grieve again the way you have for your child. Your heart has survived true heartbreak, and that heartbreak will serve you well. You will be able to tell others who experience the death of a child that it is horrible, but that you will see happy times again.
I can tell both of them that their mom, stepdad, and Summer are together in paradise, and if we could see them now, we would not want to bring them back here where there is pain, suffering, and death.
I can tell them that the best way to survive this is to draw from the strength of the family and friends who love them.
The preacher told one little illustration that gave me comfort. He told us to imagine that these three people were on a ship that left the harbor. We watched them until the ship they were in grew smaller and smaller until they went over the horizon, and then we couldn't see them any longer. On the other side, others were standing on a dock watching the ship appear on the horizon and get larger and larger. The people on the dock were saying "Here they come." They were greeted by family and friends already in heaven.
I loved that image. I can see our family and friends waiting for Jason last September. Some of those people had never met him, but they were there because they already loved him. They may have known him as a child, so they were going to meet him as a man. What a comforting image.
I told Chris, the young man I had in class, that I was praying for him. I am and will continue to do so. I hope he got the same comfort out of the message today that I did.
Friday, July 24, 2009
one year
It has now been a full year since we have seen Jason. He stopped by here last year for a few days on his way back from Ft. Worth. Incredible.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Ashamed
I went to a small graveside service of one of Tony's classmates today. She had suffered from fibromyalgia and apparently heart trouble for some time, and she died of a heart attack.
Something that happened at the service has made me so ashamed of myself. I have so many regrets from high school, but the one that haunts me the most is that I didn't reveal my faith to my friends. If you could see the Bible I had during these bleak years, you would see evidence that I read it. There are passages underlined, notes, but for some reason, I thought it wouldn't matter if I went my own way for a few years.
At the end of the service, the moderator gave people in the audience an opportunity to speak. One of the girls in Tony's class spoke for about eight of us who were standing together. She stated that all of us know the Lord now but that we didn't know Him in high school. What I am most ashamed of is that I did know the Lord when I was in high school, but there was no evidence of that in my behavior.
My mother took me to church for as long as I can remember. I was saved and baptized when I was about eight, I went to church, church camp, vbs, I even taught VBS, but I did not live like a Christ follower from the time I was about 13 until I was 27. During those years, I knew that God had not left me, I felt His presence and felt the presence of the Holy Spirit trying to get my attention, but I ignored Him.
I can't look back on those years with fondness because I missed out on the opportunity to reach some of the most important people in my life. How could I expect them to follow Jesus when I was such a poor witness.
Many of the people that I work with have been those people who never strayed. How did they do that? Why was I so weak? I was even somewhat embarrassed about the fact that I went to church all the time, probably because if anyone had seen me walking in the door, they would have thought, "What's SHE doing going to church?"
I remember being able to answer all the Biblical allusion questions in literature, and people would always be surprised that I knew all of that stuff.
There are several of my friends who are like me. We made some very important decisions during our "silly season" and we have lived with the consequences. I hope my lack of courage to share and reveal my faith does not have eternal consequences.
Something that happened at the service has made me so ashamed of myself. I have so many regrets from high school, but the one that haunts me the most is that I didn't reveal my faith to my friends. If you could see the Bible I had during these bleak years, you would see evidence that I read it. There are passages underlined, notes, but for some reason, I thought it wouldn't matter if I went my own way for a few years.
At the end of the service, the moderator gave people in the audience an opportunity to speak. One of the girls in Tony's class spoke for about eight of us who were standing together. She stated that all of us know the Lord now but that we didn't know Him in high school. What I am most ashamed of is that I did know the Lord when I was in high school, but there was no evidence of that in my behavior.
My mother took me to church for as long as I can remember. I was saved and baptized when I was about eight, I went to church, church camp, vbs, I even taught VBS, but I did not live like a Christ follower from the time I was about 13 until I was 27. During those years, I knew that God had not left me, I felt His presence and felt the presence of the Holy Spirit trying to get my attention, but I ignored Him.
I can't look back on those years with fondness because I missed out on the opportunity to reach some of the most important people in my life. How could I expect them to follow Jesus when I was such a poor witness.
Many of the people that I work with have been those people who never strayed. How did they do that? Why was I so weak? I was even somewhat embarrassed about the fact that I went to church all the time, probably because if anyone had seen me walking in the door, they would have thought, "What's SHE doing going to church?"
I remember being able to answer all the Biblical allusion questions in literature, and people would always be surprised that I knew all of that stuff.
There are several of my friends who are like me. We made some very important decisions during our "silly season" and we have lived with the consequences. I hope my lack of courage to share and reveal my faith does not have eternal consequences.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
New book
My pastor, Jimmy Holbrook, has a new book out this week. It is called The Shelter, and can be purchased at Mardel or at our church. It is a book about raising a family in today's world.
I know Jimmy is a very smart man, so I'm going to recommend the book even though I won't have time to read it until I finish school in a week and a half. One of the things I have read about it is that he teaches his readers to teach their children how to shelter themselves. It is not a book about keeping our children over-protected from the world, but instead to teach them to make Godly decisions. It's like the "give a man a fish, he will eat for a day; teach him to fish, he will be able to eat for life." We can't always be with our children. They can be protected by us for only so long, then we have to count on what we have taught them to remain with them when they are away from us.
With the exposure to so many harmful elements readily available to our kids, this is the most valuable thing we can do for them. We have to teach our kids to guard their hearts and minds. The Casting Crowns song, Slow Fade, is such a truth. Nobody intends to become addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling, pornography, etc. People never crumble in a day; it is over time that people get their lives in such a mess that they don't think they have a way out.
I plan to purchase several copies for my family members and friends who are raising kids. My intention is for them to read the book and pass it on to their family and friends. I truly believe that a change in our culture is possible, but it must be a grass roots efforts. What better place to start than within our homes.
I know Jimmy is a very smart man, so I'm going to recommend the book even though I won't have time to read it until I finish school in a week and a half. One of the things I have read about it is that he teaches his readers to teach their children how to shelter themselves. It is not a book about keeping our children over-protected from the world, but instead to teach them to make Godly decisions. It's like the "give a man a fish, he will eat for a day; teach him to fish, he will be able to eat for life." We can't always be with our children. They can be protected by us for only so long, then we have to count on what we have taught them to remain with them when they are away from us.
With the exposure to so many harmful elements readily available to our kids, this is the most valuable thing we can do for them. We have to teach our kids to guard their hearts and minds. The Casting Crowns song, Slow Fade, is such a truth. Nobody intends to become addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling, pornography, etc. People never crumble in a day; it is over time that people get their lives in such a mess that they don't think they have a way out.
I plan to purchase several copies for my family members and friends who are raising kids. My intention is for them to read the book and pass it on to their family and friends. I truly believe that a change in our culture is possible, but it must be a grass roots efforts. What better place to start than within our homes.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Blood pressure Raisers
I don't know why I do it, but I read the news article in the Countywide News about the last school board meeting. They voted to move the graduation to the football field next year instead of having it on OBU's campus at Raley Chapel. I really don't care since all of my kids have graduated, and I have no plans to be a class sponsor again. I love having graduation in the beautiful chapel because it is respectful, formal, air conditioned, and the acoustics are excellent. I've been to many graduations at football fields and gymnasiums, and the atmosphere is just what you would think. It is a casual, noisy event, and people dress and behave like they are at a ballgame. At my own graduations I had horrible outdoor experiences. In highschool we had to move from the football field to the gym in the middle of the evening. An unexpected storm came up and changed everything. I was a kid; I have no idea what chaos that caused for the staff and faculty, but you can look at the 1973 yearbook and see pictures of us at the football field and in the gym--all on the same night. My college graduation from UCO was in July; we wore black robes that weighed about five pounds. I thought I was going to faint. Jason's college graduation from OSU in May 2006 was so cold that I was miserable all during the ceremony. I like indoor graduations. All three of my kids graduated at Raley. Jason was senior class president, so he gave the welcome and Carson sang at his. I could hear both of them because the sound system is excellent at Raley. I have always been proud to invite my family members to come to my kids' graduation because I knew they would be comfortable and be able to hear and see everything.
The thing that raised my blood pressure were the statements by a couple of board members. One said we wanted to make the decision now so that we could plan for the graduation. You can't plan Oklahoma weather. It could be 90 degrees or 40 degrees, it could be raining, the wind could be blowing fifty miles an hour. Nothing we do in advance will make a difference in the weather, and the board members will arrive at the last minute, get their corsage or boutineer and have a seat. The administration, staff, and faculty will be the ones who deal with the problems the weather may cause. Mr. Wilsie will take the heat. If he moves the ceremony to Raley too soon, he will be criticized; if he waits until the last minute to move it, he will be criticized. Another board member stated that we are not here to cater to the teachers and that the tail will quit wagging the dog tonight. I think I was just called a dog's tail. I spoke at an earlier board meeting and told them why I believed the ceremony should remain at Raley. I spoke as an alumni, a faculty member, a class sponsor, and a parent of three alumni. I thought that would give credence to my statement.
I am very offended by a person who is in a position of leadership in our community, an elected official, making a statement so derogatory about our faculty.
He repeatedly states that we are supposed to be here for the kids. Nobody is arguing that, but there is also nobody more committed to the students of Tecumseh than our school administration, faculty and staff. We could all make more money elsewhere, but we teach because it is a calling. We devote our lives to educating young people, not just a few really neat young people; we educate the ones who are challenging, who come to school with problems that overwhelm them and us, who have such severe personal problems that I can't imagine how they focus on their education at all. Our school is very successful at one thing. We do really well at educating students who live in poverty. Our test scores are enviable; when most schools are making the excuse that "90% of our kids are on free and reduced lunch, so we can't be successful," we are celebrating because 80+% of our kids are on free and reduced lunch, and we are seeing remarkable progress in their education.
I don't know what I can do about the kinds of statements like his, but I can say that reading a statement made by someone who is supposed to be leading the place where I work sure makes it difficult to get fired up for school. We do not need awards and accolades for doing our jobs, but we do need to think that we are supported. I do not feel supported.
The thing that raised my blood pressure were the statements by a couple of board members. One said we wanted to make the decision now so that we could plan for the graduation. You can't plan Oklahoma weather. It could be 90 degrees or 40 degrees, it could be raining, the wind could be blowing fifty miles an hour. Nothing we do in advance will make a difference in the weather, and the board members will arrive at the last minute, get their corsage or boutineer and have a seat. The administration, staff, and faculty will be the ones who deal with the problems the weather may cause. Mr. Wilsie will take the heat. If he moves the ceremony to Raley too soon, he will be criticized; if he waits until the last minute to move it, he will be criticized. Another board member stated that we are not here to cater to the teachers and that the tail will quit wagging the dog tonight. I think I was just called a dog's tail. I spoke at an earlier board meeting and told them why I believed the ceremony should remain at Raley. I spoke as an alumni, a faculty member, a class sponsor, and a parent of three alumni. I thought that would give credence to my statement.
I am very offended by a person who is in a position of leadership in our community, an elected official, making a statement so derogatory about our faculty.
He repeatedly states that we are supposed to be here for the kids. Nobody is arguing that, but there is also nobody more committed to the students of Tecumseh than our school administration, faculty and staff. We could all make more money elsewhere, but we teach because it is a calling. We devote our lives to educating young people, not just a few really neat young people; we educate the ones who are challenging, who come to school with problems that overwhelm them and us, who have such severe personal problems that I can't imagine how they focus on their education at all. Our school is very successful at one thing. We do really well at educating students who live in poverty. Our test scores are enviable; when most schools are making the excuse that "90% of our kids are on free and reduced lunch, so we can't be successful," we are celebrating because 80+% of our kids are on free and reduced lunch, and we are seeing remarkable progress in their education.
I don't know what I can do about the kinds of statements like his, but I can say that reading a statement made by someone who is supposed to be leading the place where I work sure makes it difficult to get fired up for school. We do not need awards and accolades for doing our jobs, but we do need to think that we are supported. I do not feel supported.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
I am Blessed
I have to remind myself sometimes that I am Blessed. I focus sometimes on the losses in my life and forget about the blessings. Monday I met with friends for lunch in Norman--women that I have taught with but have become some of my dearest friends in life. We ate lunch and sat at our table solving the problems of the world for three hours. Ok, so maybe we didn't get them all solved, but we sure have some great ideas. Then Monday night I spent the night with my friend in Maysville. We stayed up too late and finished solving the problems of the world with some catching up time and some deep spiritual discussions.
During that evening I received a call from one of my retired friends who invited me to lunch on Friday with the other retired teachers and staff. I miss them all so much, but I can't be sad for them not being at the school any longer. They are all enjoying grandchildren and a wonderful time in their lives. I also received calls from both of my kids, just checking in, not needing anything. That's a blessing.
I'm looking forward to lunch Friday and getting their take on the world issues that need to be solved.
Tuesday after my class in Ardmore, I drove down I-35 to Gainsville to meet my nieces and have lunch, then the girls came home with me. We went to the movie last night to see Up. What a fun movie, but I wouldn't have seen it if they hadn't come to stay with me. Today, they have painted plates, and we are going to the Y to swim after our pizza gets here.
Tomorrow they will go to spend some time with their Papa, my sister's widower, before they go back to Midland. Each time they come, I realize how much my sister missed out on. They are sweet, pretty, funny, and she would have loved spending time with them so much. I can't take her place, but I can spend a little time letting them experience some Oklahoma time. Tomorrow we will go to the mall, and I will give them their birthday money since they both have August birthdays, and I will let them buy whatever they want. Halle bought a hair piece one time. She wore it everywhere.
I have been blessed with wonderful family and friends, and I thank God for those blessing.
During that evening I received a call from one of my retired friends who invited me to lunch on Friday with the other retired teachers and staff. I miss them all so much, but I can't be sad for them not being at the school any longer. They are all enjoying grandchildren and a wonderful time in their lives. I also received calls from both of my kids, just checking in, not needing anything. That's a blessing.
I'm looking forward to lunch Friday and getting their take on the world issues that need to be solved.
Tuesday after my class in Ardmore, I drove down I-35 to Gainsville to meet my nieces and have lunch, then the girls came home with me. We went to the movie last night to see Up. What a fun movie, but I wouldn't have seen it if they hadn't come to stay with me. Today, they have painted plates, and we are going to the Y to swim after our pizza gets here.
Tomorrow they will go to spend some time with their Papa, my sister's widower, before they go back to Midland. Each time they come, I realize how much my sister missed out on. They are sweet, pretty, funny, and she would have loved spending time with them so much. I can't take her place, but I can spend a little time letting them experience some Oklahoma time. Tomorrow we will go to the mall, and I will give them their birthday money since they both have August birthdays, and I will let them buy whatever they want. Halle bought a hair piece one time. She wore it everywhere.
I have been blessed with wonderful family and friends, and I thank God for those blessing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
